The Hazards of Dating as a Successful Woman in India

Social Commentary

The Hazards of Dating as a Successful Woman in India

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

Sushmita Sen, reply my SMS! We need to talk. You did the unthinkable and now the nation is having a meltdown.  How dare you date a man without taking permission from us when we are the ones who pay your bills and keep your house in order. What sort of woman does that? Certainly not someone as accomplished as you. A woman who has always lived and loved on her own terms should always let random losers decide what’s best for her. Because that is how it is supposed to be.

We smell something fishy but let me assure you it has nothing to do with you being a Bengali. As such Kolkata Bongs dismiss probashis as half-breeds. If certain men and women are to be believed, when a Ms Universe who’s had a reasonably successful innings in Bollywood, dates a London based millionaire who looks like a Grandma from certain angles, she must be a gold digger. I couldn’t agree more. What other choice do you really have than to latch on to a rich man who will buy you diamonds that you can very well afford on your own. That does not occur to most of us. Probably because we ourselves don’t have the kind of agency that you’ve earned and commanded over the years.

Just because you were Ms Universe doesn’t mean people think the world about you.

Have you told these self appointed well-wishers of yours what happens when a Bongshell of a certain age who also happens to be smart, successful and worth 10 million dollars tries to date? Instead of men lining up to bask in her glorious presence, she manages to intimidate them.  Unlike women, men like to keep a safe distance from ambitious women. They simply cannot handle femmes who can talk about Quantum physics and Kantian philosophy in the same breath. This is simply not expected of creatures with ovaries. We are only meant to look pretty, have big boobs, a tight butt and giggle at all the sad jokes to make our male counterparts feel better about themselves. Isn’t this why we are called their better halves.

We should be grateful that society has been kind enough to allow us to pursue our ambitions and kick ass as long as we are clear about who our lord and master is. Sushmita, I’m disappointed that even at this age, you have to be reminded what your true purpose in life is – to pander to the fragile male ego. I’m only shocked that you forgot.

We are only meant to look pretty, have big boobs, a tight butt and giggle at all the sad jokes to make our male counterparts feel better about themselves.

So can you stop feeling pissed off that your choice of men is driving everyone InSen. Hold my beer, so that I can collapse with laughter. Lady, when you make your own choices,  your choice will always be up for national debate. If you date a Rohman Showl, you’ll be branded a cougar who prefers toy boys. Since Rohman was born with balls between his legs, he can never be a gold digger. If you date Lalit Modi, you are a scheming bitch hungry for his wealth. Geddit? And don’t worry. Since being mean to celebrities is so uplifting, we’ll also put Lalit Modi under the scanner and conclude that he’s too fat and ugly for you or anyone really.  Never mind the fact that spotting a man over 50 who’s not an abomination is as rare as spotting a tiger in Jim Corbett park.

But should that stop us from screaming  ‘what was she thinking from our Sintex tanks wala rooftops?  Of course not. While we are at it, we will also dismiss him as a fugitive with a dubious reputation. Which he might be, but that is also your problem, your doing. Maybe you’re the one who did it all.

If certain men and women are to be believed, when a Ms Universe who’s had a reasonably successful innings in Bollywood, dates a London based millionaire who looks like a Grandma from certain angles, she must be a gold digger.

We simply can’t leave you alone, Sushmita. So, we’ll stalk your Insta timeline and notice with smug satisfaction that you have made no mention of your naya pyaar. We just read that you’re calm in conscience, happy as who you are, and do not believe in responding to pointless public ire. How dare an Indian woman, successful or not, do that to us. You’re stunning, beautiful, successful, and now you make your own choices? The Indian janta can’t take all that in one. Have mercy on these imbeciles.

And don’t you worry, Ms Sen. Just step outside and you’ll notice half a million unworthy suitors singing Main hoo naa under your balcony. It doesn’t matter that you’ll not touch a single one of them with even a barge pole, because what 50-something handsome, successful man really exists in India who is also not intimidated by the success of his beloved. No, I’m really asking, please let me know.

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