“Grow GDP, Grow!” Bajao-ing Thaalis Ended Coronavirus. Now it Will Help India’s Economic Recovery

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“Grow GDP, Grow!” Bajao-ing Thaalis Ended Coronavirus. Now it Will Help India’s Economic Recovery

Illustration: Robin Chakraborty

If the quarterly GDP figures are plotted on a chart, it feels like the economy is falling off a cliff. The drop of 23.9% in the GDP growth for the first quarter is the largest slump on record since India started reporting quarterly data in 1996. While Finance Minister Nirmala Sitharaman earlier blamed millennials for the slowdown, this time around she went a step further and declared it as an “Act of God”.

With boomers on news channels trying to figure out what “Imma bounce” means on Rhea Chakraborty’s WhatsApp chats, all hope rests on millennials to get the GDP back on track. They disappointed last time around by using Ola and Uber instead of buying new cars, but will they be up for the challenge this time around?

If the Facebook page “Pictures of Taimur Ali Khan To Distract You From Real Issues” is to be believed, then most certainly yes. At 9pm today, on the 9th of September (don’t want to get the numerology wrong), the page has hosted an event where people must come to their balconies, bajao thaalis and scream “Grow GDP, grow”.

Since we already know that this ninja technique effectively ended coronavirus, what’s stopping us from fixing the economy? Okay fineeee, we are second best and the United States is first but we are getting there. That issue has been solved, we have to now fix the economy. Will the Prime Minister have to announce an 8 pm briefing every time for these petty issues? Who will feed peacocks? Can’t we take on the onus for once?! That hero among us was Swati, who first floated this idea of Twitter.

Do not think this is a just a timepass idea that has been floated around to improve morale or some such. In order to come to the balcony, people will have to buy houses with balconies. Then they will have to purchase steel thaalis and spoons which will all generate economic activity and help the GDP. Imagine if 130 crore Indians decide to buy all these things, can’t we zoom past China within the next two weeks? Friends, this has all been meticulously thought through.

The suggestions keep on enriching the idea. Go vocal for local, of course.

The math has all been sorted.

There is already a plan B in place in case this only improves the GDP by 9% (because 9 Sept duh!) instead of the +30% that we need. Unleash the diyas, which will also create more jobs in the informal sector. In your face, China.

The nation is ready, with its thaalis, spoons and the new chant inspired by DJ Athawale. The question is, are you?

“Grow GDP, grow!”

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