An Open Letter from an Angry Indian Goddess

Social Commentary

An Open Letter from an Angry Indian Goddess

Illustration: Juergen Dsouza/ Arré

Dear Kids,

With a deeply saddened heart, I must tell you that this year I don’t want to come to “dharti” for you to celebrate the pujo in my name. Yes, you heard me. I don’t want to come. Call it a tantrum, call it what you will. All through my storied life, I have rubbished the guilt imposed on Indian working mums. But now I feel that if I hadn’t been battling demons outside the home, and focused on you children a little more, you might have turned out a little less disappointing.

How else do you explain the crazy you are unfurling? No, I don’t mean the thousand hands you have given me despite last year’s disastrous attempt to build an 88-ft statue in my name. Hell, I am not even talking about the mop of fake hair that is contesting presidential elections for a global superpower. I am talking about the serious disinterest you have towards climate change, especially when you allow a spiritual event to be held on the banks of an already burdened river. I fail to understand how heaping the area with even more garbage and spoiling the habitat of other organisms helps us. But hey, whatever gives you inner peace.

Meanwhile, you have elected politicians who butcher street dogs and parade them. While the world is finding solutions for the street animal population with birth control programmes, you are choosing to murder and hang dead animals on poles. Slow clap, guys. Well done. Why don’t you celebrate Pujo by throwing another creature off the terrace? I’ve heard it works better if you are an aspiring doctor.

It is not enough to celebrate my homecoming when you are nothing but a trainwreck on all the others.

If you think I’m frustrated, you should see Saraswati. She’s annoyed AF that most of you don’t get feminism right. Half of you think it can be understood in a series of open letters to your children or via that Twitter douche who thinks including a cunnilingus scene in his “books” will ensure that he doesn’t stand trial in heaven for all those dead trees. The other half uses the term because it trends on Twitter every alternate day along with those “Actress shuts down trolls in one comment” stories that have a tendency to pop up more frequently than Kejriwal’s drama dharnas.

The real reason Saraswati is upset is because out of all the smart and talented women who are actually allowed to be educated, half have to drop out because the corporate world has not set well-thought-out, humanitarian policies for them. Apparently, you don’t hire women in their late twenties because they may get married and move out, or horror horror, have a child? (The few who manage to break in, may please select either of the two badges: “Frustrated bitch”/ “Oversexed whore”.)

Sister Lakshmi has serious beef with you as well. I mean you did one thing right, making Raghuram Rajan the RBI governor. Hell, he had even hoped for a second term. But you never learn, do you?

Durga Pujo has always been about pigging out on good food, but you’ve had to go and take the charm out of that as well. Most of you have gone beyond the call of duty and tormented a section of people who eat beef. Why it troubles your brain now when beef-eaters have been around for ages, is beyond my understanding. Brace yourself for this shocker: People may have eating habits different from yours.

Then you had to go mix food with religion and now you have pissed off the very guys who you force to remove your deceased gau matas. Where do I even begin?

You are all my children. And I just can’t be proud of the few who are doing so much good when so many of you are just disappointing me with your thoughts, deeds, and words. Last I heard, you had even banned me from going to a village in Bengal. I cannot bear to know what’s in store next.

It is not enough to celebrate my homecoming when you are nothing but a trainwreck on all the others. I’ve battled asuras, proved my might in front of gods, saints, and men, and have given you, my children, a brain and a heart that can see right from wrong in most situations. And yet, you have been proving Darwin wrong, acting like the missing link, reversing evolution with every act you commit.

So it’s a no-show this year. Don’t wait up for me, I won’t be staying for dinner with you yokels. Because frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.