Pansexual and Proud

Sexuality and the City

Pansexual and Proud

Illustration: Mudit Ganguly


was just another 15-year-old boy when I first discovered that I wasn’t a straight heterosexual male. Upper- caste, Brahmin, surrounded by upper-caste Brahmins with unidimensional ideas of sexuality. I would be 27 by the time I could embrace my alternative sexual identity.

It all started with cross-dressing. One night, my cousin came home for a sleepover. Creepy as it sounds, I knew I had to try out her lingerie – you can’t afford to shop when you are 15! I picked out her black bra from her bag, went into the bathroom, and wore it. It was a moment of utter relief and elation. I pulled on a shirt over it and imagined myself having breasts. I remember sitting on the pot, feeling as if I had just regained a phantom limb.