#Throwback 2018: Why This Year Belongs to Yogi Adityanath

Satire

#Throwback 2018: Why This Year Belongs to Yogi Adityanath

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

“Y

ogi Adityanath For PM” hoardings popped up in Agra during Christmas (sorry, I meant Yeshu Khrist Jayanti) and as a fan, I think it is about time that Santa Claus (I mean Satnam Chaubey) gifts India a Prime Minister who cares not about petty things such as jobs, investment, infrastructure or farmers, but rallies behind real problems such as the safety of cows, love jihad, and the most pressing one, “What is Lord Hanuman’s caste?”  

2018 was the year when Uttar Pradesh CM Yogi Adityanath made a name for himself. And kept changing names of towns and railway stations like they were his banking account passwords. Allahabad became Prayagraj, Faizabad became Ayodhya, Mughalsarai junction was renamed after RSS’s Pandit Deen Dayal Upadhyaya, and the proposed list of further name changes is longer than the guest list at the Ambani-Piramal wedding. He even proposed for a name change in Hyderabad, but the short-sighted people of Telangana made a poor choice. I am all for reclaiming the country from “evil” Mughal influence. What have they given us apart from Taj Mahal, a handful of architectural and cultural wonders, biryani, Urdu, qawwali, kebab, anarkali, shayari, Mughlai paratha, jhumar, ghazal, Jodhaa Akbar, shahi chicken korma, and Bajirao Mastani? Nothing.

Cynics and the librandu media often focus on the negative aspects of the Great Name Change Abhiyan. “Is it necessary?” they ask, “Don’t we have bigger problems?” But have you looked at the bigger picture – the jobs it will create because addresses will have to be changed everywhere and people will have to print new visiting cards? Paan shops and tapriwallahs will get more business because people will be confused as fuck when locating a place and will approach them for help. School kids will get sharper at not only history but also geography. I think Yogi ji should be applauded for his visionary leadership.  

Yogi Adityanath made me feel proud of being a Hindu in 2018.

People say there is a threat to safety in Uttar Pradesh but you pick any random cow in the state and they will tell you otherwise. Libtards need something to criticise, so they started making stupid claims, like a cow is safer than a policeman.

Governments in the past have failed in turning important metros such as Mumbai into Shanghai and here is a leader who is set to change the whole country into Gau Rashtra. If that is not progress, then I don’t know what is? Look at the opportunities, the gaiyya is providing to us. We have now so many unemployed youth becoming gau rakshaks. Earlier people were killing each other in gang wars, now they are a part of the formal economy with the help of the state government. Now that’s what I mean by getting a process in place. Everything’s organised.

Does this CM then not deserve an appraisal?

So what if a few people were killed by lynch mobs following rumours of cow slaughter or possessing beef: That’s just collateral damage. Let me ask you an important question, do cows feel safe in the India of Yogi ji? Yes? As per Hindu scripts, all gods reside in the stomach of a cow. So if all the gods are safe, then how can humans be unsafe?

The UP CM campaigned really hard ahead of state elections but despite that, the BJP suffered a drubbing. But that hasn’t made a dent in his resolve or affected his love for the cows. Even today, he is working tirelessly to shelter stray cows. That’s a sign of a true Hindu.

In fact, Yogi Adityanath made me feel proud of being a Hindu in 2018. He made us all realise that it doesn’t matter whether our lives are shit, that we don’t have proper drinking water, or electricity throughout the day, oxygen supply in our hospitals, a decent meal or job prospects of any kind, but that all our problems would disappear if with firm resolution, we strived toward only one objective – building the Ram Mandir in Ayodhya. “No jobs in UP? Let’s build Ram Mandir.” “Deaths in Bulandshahr? Let’s build Ram Mandir.” Yogi ji’s determination is awe-inspiring, and no matter what the question, his answer does not change. That is the mark of a honest politician.

When it comes to Yogi Adityanath, some critics will always claim that his rhetoric is divisive but that is far from the truth. Another case of the mainstream media propagating lies. Videos clips of Yogi ji’s (hate-filled) speeches are appreciated by more people on WhatsApp than Shah Rukh Khan’s recent choice of films. If everyone likes the message he sends out and spreads it, does it matter whether it is true, false, hateful, or criminal?

In 2018, Yogi Adityanath solidified his role as a national leader, a potential future PM candidate. With the general elections approaching in 2019, everyone must remember that only he can bring India back to its glory days and the answer to everything in life and beyond is hidden in two words…

Ram Mandir.

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