Come Back Sadhguru, Politics and Economics Are for Mere Mortals

Satire

Come Back Sadhguru, Politics and Economics Are for Mere Mortals

Illustration: Robin Chakraborty

Over the last decade, the highly-respected Sadhguru has entered our lives like the Santa Claus spiritual tuition teacher we didn’t know we needed. He is exceptionally well-spoken, has the knowledge to be able to re-engineer humans, and spreads more love advice than the average Netflix reality show.

This makes him very likeable, to say the least. Thousands of Indians sit glued to their TV screens every time the seer comes on, waiting on his every word to guide them into the “realm of possibility”. Without him, these Indians would possibly instead use their third-eyes to perceive Zee TV, where two bahus are no doubt locked in a battle to death over an incomplete chore. They would, in essence, stray further and further from the light every time Ekta Kapoor had a bright idea. So integral is Sadhguru to the country’s collective spiritual awakening.

Still, while rare, Sadhguru does have moments of weakness, where he ends up losing sight of the topic. For instance, a couple of weeks ago, his fans were in for a surprise when the spiritual leader chose to address not the lack of faith we invest in the ancient yogic sciences, but the Citizenship Amendment Act, and the nationwide protests that have followed since it was passed in Parliament.

There are a few who maybe miss the old Sadhguru — the one who’d tell us when to drink water depending on the position of the stars.

Toeing the government line about the Act being the nation’s most pressing need, Sadhguru first admitted he hadn’t read the Act, but then in true spiritual leader fashion went on to admonish those who hadn’t read the Act either. Weeks of interviews followed, including this awkward India Today interview format (that mixes the concepts of cardio and news for an exhilarating viewing experience) in which Sadhguru explains the benefits of the Act — namely that it will give Indians a new identity — and blames the media for spreading misinformation and fuelling protests.

This week, Sadhguru decided that it was time to give his followers a crash course in world economics, explaining at the World Economic Forum in Davos that investors were too scared to enter the Indian market because of the threat of burning buses. How perceptive, his followers must have thought, because clearly only someone who had spent their life practicing yoga, would be able to jump to such conclusions.

That being said, there are a few who maybe miss the old Sadhguru — the one who’d tell us when to drink water depending on the position of the stars, the one who had a cure for acidity that didn’t involve leaving the bed, the one who reminded us every morning that it was possible to rid yourself of aches and pains using a very specific combination of Ayurvedic herbs and, every self-help guru’s favourite word, mindfulness.

Now that Sadhguru has started making frequent appearances on TV news channels, should we walk down to our local MLA and demand Hatha Yoga class?

Now that our favourite doctor, speaker, yoga teacher, friend of Gordon Ramsey, and in-house Tata Sky spiritual leader has moved on to political and economic analysis, who will we look to for guidance as we explore the full depth of our potential? Whose advice will we seek when it’s time to traverse our inner dimensions and emerge on the other side with purpose? Now that Sadhguru has started making frequent appearances on TV news channels, should we walk down to our local MLA and demand Hatha Yoga class? 

There may be no conclusive answer until Sadhguru returns to our lives, and there’s no clarity on when he’ll stop wasting time on worldly issues like petty politics — but what is clear is that he’s left a void in our collective spiritual awakening. Come back Sadhguru, let the politicians do their thing, and you do yours.

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