By Arré Bench Jun. 04, 2019
After Rahul Gandhi blamed Ashok Gehlot, Ashok Gehlot blamed Sachin Pilot, Mayawati blamed Akhilesh, and Akhilesh blamed Mayawati for the 2019 election loss, the Opposition has said the loser of the pass the parcel game will be held accountable. PM Modi to watch live-stream with a tub of popcorn.
There is still no official word on the drubbing the Opposition received this election. After Congress chief Rahul Gandhi and mama Sonia indulged in a good ol’ game of “Let’s revamp the party again”, the Opposition has announced that it will be holding a pass the parcel game at the Congress headquarters this weekend to finalise who is ultimately responsible for their resounding defeat. The move comes after the non-BJP parties failed to arrive at a conclusion even after Rahul Gandhi blamed Ashok Gehlot, Ashok Gehlot blamed Sachin Pilot, Mayawati blamed Akhilesh, and Akhilesh blamed Mayawati. Those who couldn’t blame anyone in particular, the source said, found the EVM machine to be faulty.
The arguments first began on the Opposition’s WhatsApp group on result day. “Earlier everyone posted Good Morning images and Santa-Banta jokes, but as soon as the leads started coming in, the group became silent as if someone had planned a Goa trip,” said Shashank Shinde, a Congress worker who was also part of the group. “Rahul ji stopped using emojis, Kejriwal ji changed his status from “Available” to “Call only if urgent”, and Mamata Didi left the group because someone said, “Only God can help us now. Jai Sri Ram.”
The quarrel soon went beyond the confines of WhatsApp and made it to the mainstream media, as leaders began taking potshots at each other in press conferences. “When the exit polls were announced, there was unity in the opposition as everyone blamed the EVM,” said NCP supremo Sharad Pawar. “But now leaders are targeting each other. It is highly unfortunate. The Opposition is falling apart faster than India’s GDP growth rate. At this rate, our next meeting could be held at a Cafe Coffee Day table.”
Now, to fix accountability, it has been decided that a “pass the parcel” game will be organised by the Congress high command, the source told us. “The loser will be held responsible. Unless it is Rahul Gandhi, in which case we will play again,” said one of the organisers, Kapil Sibal. “The rules are simple. There will be one representative from each party. We will play the “Ab Hoga Nyay” campaign song at the start of the game. A chowkidar teddy bear will be passed around, and the person it lands on when the music stops is responsible for the defeat,” he clarified in a statement to the press.
Meanwhile, each of the representatives has been coming up with strategies to win. “I will surprise everyone with a U-turn by giving the teddy back to the person I got it from,” said Arvind Kejriwal. “I will have mummy and sister by my side to help me cheat,” said Rahul Gandhi. While Akhilesh Yadav and Mayawati are still fighting over who the Mahagathbandhan representative will be, Mamata Banerjee has said she won’t play if they use a chowkidar teddy bear and requested that it should be a Barbie doll. Rumours are doing the rounds that claim Ashok Gehlot and Sachin Pilot have complained to the organising committee about having to sit next to each other.
When asked what he thought about the game, Prime Minister Narendra Modi said, “I have requested my team to organise a live stream for me. Hopefully the clouds won’t ruin the coverage,” Modi said. “I have also spoken to Amit Shah ji about fixing the game. He’s already in touch with all the participants. As a party, we are rooting for Rahul Gandhi to win. If he is blamed and removed, how will the BJP keep winning elections? Batman needs Joker and Chowkidar needs Pappu.”