NASA Announces Solar Probe; Politician Says Indians First People on Sun

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NASA Announces Solar Probe; Politician Says Indians First People on Sun

Illustration: Akshita Monga

Merely minutes after NASA announced the launch of the Parker Solar Probe rocket from Cape Canaveral in Florida, USA’s spacefaring organisation was caught in a lie by an independent Indian politician named Gyan Gayab. Gayab, who is hoping to join the ruling party in time for the 2019 election, declared, “These NASA people are saying they will be the first humans to reach the Sun. But they are liars! Just like the internet, plastic surgery, and even fire and the wheel, we Indians were the first to venture into the field of solar exploration.”

Gayab made this statement while judging the Annual Bharat Aeronautics Paper Plane Competition being held at a Thane school, and used his credentials as judge to legitimise his expertise on the history of human flight. “Everybody knows the first aeroplane is the Pushpak Vimana from Ramayana. This also means that the first spaceship is the chariot of Surya, the Sun God,” he declared.

After making this claim, he went on to elaborate how mankind’s first ever spacecraft was used: “Spaceship made two trips daily, one early morning, one in the evening – just like humara Manori ka ferry, except, you know, in space.”

Shedding further light on this fascinating unrecorded chapter of space exploration, Gayab added, that in ancient times, the Sun God himself would pilot the spacecraft. “But after we built a replica Konark Temple on the Sun itself, he went to live there and left the job to humans. That is why even today you will see so many tour operators in our country with the name ‘Surya Travels’ or ‘Sunil Taxi Service’. They are descendants of ancient astronauts, who forgot where their ancestors parked the spaceship.”

“Ancient Indian parents forcing their children into engineering is what led to inventions like Surya’s chariot and Pushpak Vimana!”

Gayab’s remarks have caused a stir in the international astronomy community. A spokesperson for NASA, Dr Hugo Toby Kiddingme, had some harsh words for the Indian politician, “We don’t know what Mr Gayab’s qualifications are to comment on the Parker Solar Probe, but we do know this project is the culmination of the hard work of thousands of dedicated professionals, and he is disrespecting their honest labour with his careless statements.”

When informed about Dr Kiddingme’s comments, Gayab seemed unperturbed. “Kuch bhi. We Indians know all about hard work. Engineering is lots of hard work, and yet we send our children for engineering. Ancient Indian parents forcing their children into engineering is what led to inventions like Surya’s chariot and Pushpak Vimana!”

As the Bharat Aeronautics Paper Plane Competition came to a close, Gayab fulfilled his duty as guest of honour and announced the winner, an eight-year-old with a wicked Fold N Fly. When asked to speak some words of encouragement, Gayab said, “This boy is the future of our space exploration, who will become an even greater astronaut than Captain Rakesh Sharma. If Sharma was the first Indian to see India from space, he will be the first to find the Surya Mandir on the surface of the Sun.”

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