Mehul Choksi Gives Up Indian Citizenship; To Form Mahagathbandhan With Mallya & Nirav Modi

Satire

Mehul Choksi Gives Up Indian Citizenship; To Form Mahagathbandhan With Mallya & Nirav Modi

Illustration: Robin Chakraborty

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bsconding diamantaire and every desi family’s generic diabetic uncle, Mehul Choksi, has officially earned the title of “Anti-National of the Year”. Besides being accused of cheating Punjab National Bank to the tune of ₹13,000 crores, he has given up his Indian citizenship and surrendered his passport.

Choksi submitted his passport to the Indian High Commission (IHC) in Antigua, but before the officials could ask him any questions, he reportedly left, saying, “Chaliye, India ko vanakkam.” Mehulbhai is now a pakka West Indian, unlike his fake Gujarati friend Hardik Pandya, who thinks wearing bling and objectifying women at clubs is all it takes to be gareebon ka Chris Gayle. However, while Pandya still waits for his fate over saying something on a Koffee With Karan episode, criminal mastermind Mehulbhai is chilling in Antigua.

The fugitive tycoon had to pay a whopping $177 in fees when surrendering his passport, and there was a bit of confusion regarding the mode of payment. As Mehulbhai handed over some LOUs, the IHC rejected it, saying, “We don’t know what Mr Choksi is smoking, but we’re not falling for this again.” Yogi Adityanath also supported this statement, filing a request to change Mehul Choksi’s passport number to “420420”.

The businessman has given his new address as Jolly Harbour Marks, Antigua, and according to local reports, has invited his fellow bank chors Nirav Modi and Vijay Mallya over to form a Mahagathbandhan against the Indian state. Unfortunately, while Modi and Choksi were working on their future legal course of action, Mallya became distracted by the beaches in Antigua and started planning a photoshoot for the Kingfisher calendar.

This endless game of chor-police between Mehul Choksi and the Indian government continues.

Indian government officials, meanwhile, said that the extradition process has nothing to do with his citizenship, and they will soon be launching a campaign called “Ab ki baar, Mehul ko wapas lao yaar,” to bring the kingpin back to India. If that doesn’t work out, sources say that PM Modi will just lure him back with motichoor laddoos during one of his trips to the Caribbean Islands. Interpol had also issued a Red Corner Notice at the request of the CBI in December, but much like torrent downloads over dial-up, the proceedings have been stuck ever since.

Choksi earlier told a Mumbai court that his health doesn’t permit him to travel 41 hours from Antigua to India. When the courts promised that they will have Rohit Shetty movies on the in-flight entertainment system to help him relax, Mehulbhai cited that as another reason for not going back to India, purely on humanitarian grounds.

This endless game of chor-police between Mehul Choksi and the Indian government continues. When the Enforcement Directorate (ED) tried to contact Choksi in relation to his extradition process, he replied to the SMS with “New phone, who dis?” Rumour has it that Choksi will soon take a leaf out of a certain Bollywood megastar’s book, and blame the entire thing on his driver while claiming that he has never even been to India.

Although Mehul Choksi has been in Antigua for a year now, the ED has attached many of Choksi’s assets in India. When asked how he felt about losing all his properties when he is helpless in Antigua, he replied, “Main nanga hi toh aaya hu / kya ghanta lekar jaunga?”

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