As a Peace Gesture, India Offers Arnab Goswami To Pakistan

Satire

As a Peace Gesture, India Offers Arnab Goswami To Pakistan

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

After Pakistan promised to release captured Indian Air Force pilot Abhinandan Varthaman on Friday, the Indian Government has made a counter-offer to send our  most famous news anchor Arnab Goswami to Pakistan as a “peace gesture”.

“India appreciates Pakistan’s efforts to abide by the Geneva Convention. Pakistan plans to safely return our wing commander, and in return we would like to offer them our TV commander Arnab Goswami. Imran Khan’s message to sit and talk has been duly noted, which is why we are sending an individual who loves to talk,” the MEA statement read.

“On his show, Arnab keeps telling guests, ‘Go to Pakistan! Go to Pakistan! Why don’t you go to Pakistan?’ I think it is the duty of the government to help him fulfil his lifelong dream. He will no longer have to shout at Pakistani generals from his TV studio, he can meet them in person and yell at them,” a government official said.

The government is upset with Pakistan’s reluctance to accept the peace gesture.

Sources tell us that Pakistan politely declined the offer, but the Indian Journalists’ Association issued a stern statement. “There will be no deal or talks on this issue. The people of the country are fed up. Did we question you when Veena Malik came to India? Or when Taher Shah’s videos were being forwarded on WhatsApp here? Then why won’t you take Arnab Goswami?”

The government is upset with Pakistan’s reluctance to accept the peace gesture. “If Pakistan continues to be adamant and refuses to accept Arnab via the official Wagah border route, we plan to aerially drop him at the LoC again during the weekend. When Arnab lands, no one will dare to touch him because he will start shouting and it’ll scare all the villagers away. I am confident that humane treatment will be provided to him because it is very easy, since he only needs oxygen, a microphone, and fire animation,” said Air Chief Marshal Birender Dhanoa.

The news has already triggered a fight on social media, with Indians tweeting #ArnabLeloPlease and Pakistanis tweeting #ArnabGoBack.

Comments