The Hindustani Handbook for 2027

Satire

The Hindustani Handbook for 2027

Illustration: Akshita Monga

L

ast week, when the news that Madhya Pradesh will soon join the no-booze brigade broke, I lost heart. Gujarat and Bihar I had made my peace with, even alcohol ban on highways was understandable, and but why MP, the land of Mahua?

As I sipped my Old Monk, I knew it had begun. The powers that be had started by taking aim at the easy targets, beef and booze, but they wouldn’t stop. They’re thinning the herd. If you’re a cigarette smoker, they’ll kill you with taxes, not bans. If you like living life large, they’ll start regulating your food portions. What will India be like in 2027? A no-smoking country of teetotallers on a perpetual portion-control diet. A land with more cows than love. A land with more tridents than Taj.

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