Driver Asks Modi To Postpone Swearing In, Says Everyone Will Be Watching #JCBKiKhudayi

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Driver Asks Modi To Postpone Swearing In, Says Everyone Will Be Watching #JCBKiKhudayi

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

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JCB excavator driver from Uttar Pradesh has asked Prime Minister Narendra Modi to postpone his swearing-in ceremony, scheduled for the 30th of this month, since most of the country will be tuning in to a special episode of #JCBKiKhudayi on that day.

“Do you know why the turnout was so low at Donald Trump’s swearing-in ceremony? Because everyone was watching our previous #JCBKiKhudayi special. At any given moment, there are more people at our digging and excavation sites than at all Congress rallies held over the last year,” said Shivpal Yadav, head of JCB’s social media team. “I don’t want to brag, but our videos on YouTube have more views than Taher Shah and Dhinchak Pooja combined. We’ve heard that even a few astronauts from space tune in to watch our daily JCB ki khudayi. If the Prime Minister wants to compete with our audience, it is up to him, but I would suggest that he postpone his ceremony and avoid the embarrassment.”

“I love it when a crowd gathers for no reason at all,” said Tarun Sethi, uncle and bystander. “Whether it is over a fight that has nothing to do with me or to watch construction work that I have no knowledge of, I enjoy hanging around and passing comments. In India, people bond over only two things, cricket and JCB ki khudayi. I am too old to use Facebook, so all the friends I have made over the years have been at various digging and excavation sites,” he added.

JCB CEO Vipin Sondhi has mega plans to capitalise on this fame. “Since the crowds gathering at our excavation sites are huge, we are planning to monetise our construction by introducing a ₹2 ticket for every visit. We will have a designated area where people can stand and criticise the quality of work. For children, we’ll introduce a happy hour where the tractors and machines will do stunts in the fields. We also have an Android and iOS app in development that will keep people notified on areas where work is going on so they too can go and stand around for no reason,” he read in an official statement.

An official from the PMO said, “We have already sent out invitations to heads of states of various countries so it is not possible to change the dates of the swearing-in ceremony.

Congress leader Rahul Gandhi, meanwhile, used this as an opportunity to hit out at the government. “This trend implies that there is a lot of unemployment in the country. But the reports were conveniently withheld by the government till the end of the elections. People are even asking for my resignation now. When will this job crisis end?”

An official from the PMO said, “We have already sent out invitations to heads of states of various countries so it is not possible to change the dates of the swearing-in ceremony. But we are open to changing the location to an excavation site if that means we can combine Modi ji’s audience along with JCB’s audience. That will be the best of both worlds and has the potential to break the internet. The Prime Minister will do anything to be on camera so we are positive that the talks with JCB will end well.”

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