Bobby Deol Seeks Legal Help To Ban Tanishk Bagchi From Remixing “Duniya Haseeno Ka Mela”

Satire

Bobby Deol Seeks Legal Help To Ban Tanishk Bagchi From Remixing “Duniya Haseeno Ka Mela”

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

Bobby Deol is an angry man these days. Despite a second coming in Bollywood, that witnessed him starring in masterpieces like Race 3 and Housefull 4, and enjoy more popularity than when he actually had a career, he is feeling extremely neglected in Bollywood. It started with Amitabh Bachchan forgetting to tweet at him for not responding to his birthday SMS wishes and sharing music videos featuring Kamaal R Khan instead. Then, Salman Khan ghosted him when Race 3 tanked, right after promising him the coveted role as a black buck in the actor’s big-budget, animal-studded biopic.

And now, word on the street is that Deol is spending sleepless nights getting nightmares about Tanishk Bagchi remixing the actor’s greatest hits as his next spoil-project. The actor’s worries are justified given that Bagchi is a man with the opposite of a golden touch (millennial popularity notwithstanding). He ruins everything – the song he chooses to remix, the vocals of the playback singers, the collective nostalgia of everyone who grew up between 1980 and 2000. Even before a composer has conceived of a song, chances are that Bagchi has already created the worst remixed version of it with the sole intention of making construction clatter sound like music.

Given Bagchi’s inclination to choose chartbusters that are on the drunk 3 am playlist of every houseparty as his victims, Deol is understandably terrified.

Bagchi’s filmography boasts of a long list of massacres, right from “Chamma Chamma” and “Humma Humma” to “Aashiq Banaya Aapne” and “Dilbar”. Naturally he’s also related to the neddless new remix of “Dus Bahane” for Baaghi 3, a multi-composer film that includes Bagchi, Vishal-Shekhar and Bappi Lahiri among others. The problem with the remix isn’t merely the fact that it is being pitched as a “badass song” with “madass moves” or that Tiger Shroff and Shraddha Kapoor dance as badly as the characters of Arrested Development do when they have to explain the “chicken dance” to someone. The real problem is that every second of the song sounds literally the same, save some excruciating auto-tuned vocals by Tulsi Kumar, who seems to have been roped in only because her older brother runs T-Series and probably forgot a Raksha Bandhan gift last year.

Given Bagchi’s inclination to choose chartbusters that are on the drunk 3 am playlist of every houseparty as his victims, Deol is understandably terrified. Bagchi hasn’t even spared “Tip Tip Barsa Pani,” so how can anyone trust him? Think about it: At this point, Deol’s only contribution to Bollywood has been to embolden the average Indian man to take the spotlight at sangeet performances and nightclubs. If Bobby can dance confidently (and badly) to songs like Soldier’s “Naiyyo Naiyyo” and Gupt’s “Duniya Haseeno Ka Mela”, then anyone can. There are no Filmfare Awards in Deol’s legacy and if sources are to believed, he is insistent that there be no Tanishk Bagchi remix either. The actor already has come up with a plan: put a pre-emptive ban on Bagchi from remixing “Duniya Haseeno Ka Mela”.

His brother Sunny Deol, who is as effective as a politician as he was as a dancer, has self-appointed himself as the actor’s lawyer. Word is, he is rehearsing his whole “taareekh pe taareekh” court speech again, despite being told that it’s unnecessary and time consuming. There’s also another conspiracy theory brewing: Two people from the Bobby Deol fanclub (which is now proud of having a total of five members, including Deol himself) are convinced that Deol is also planning a DJ comeback and wants to save the remix duties for his bangers for himself. Turns out when Salman Khan was singing “Ek baar baby selfish hoke apne liye jeeyo na” in Race 3, Deol was the only one listening.

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