After Howdy Modi, We Simply Can’t Wait for Kem Cho Trump

Satire

After Howdy Modi, We Simply Can’t Wait for Kem Cho Trump

Illustration: Aishwarya Nayak

Two nations, India and the US, got together over the weekend to celebrate the biggest Indian spectacle since Slumdog Millionaire made it to the Oscars. The event, “Howdy Modi”, held in Houston, Texas, attracted crowds that are usually reserved for cricket matches, Himesh Reshammiya shows, and accidents on the highways back home. Several videos surfaced of the crowd celebrating like they were watching Kapil Sharma live at the IIFA awards, any time Prime Minister Narendra Modi or US President Trump opened their mouths. It was the kind of event that makes an Ambani wedding look like a low-key gathering between close friends.

“Howdy Modi” is historic for a number of reasons, the most important of which is that it’s introduced the world to the hottest bromance of our generation. Not since Jai and Veeru have we seen an on-screen friendship so likely to make the entire nation stand up and take notice. It’s said that Modi and Trump have done more for male bonding in one weekend than Sex and the City has done for women over six seasons.

Apart from taking laps of the venue like they were practicing for a marathon, the world leaders bonded over their shared interests. The first included, of course, making subtle shows of strength against Pakistan. When Trump announced that he would work to protect Indian-Americans from global terrorism, PM Modi stood up and clapped. Our PM then said, “The countries responsible for both 9/11 and 26/11 will pay”, while Trump indicated that it would be fun if Modi was to build a wall in India too.

howdy modi

“Howdy Modi” is historic for a number of reasons, the most important of which is that it’s introduced the world to the hottest bromance of our generation.

Sergio Flores/Getty Images

In the build up to the speeches, the audience was treated to a 90-minute event featuring dancers, singers, and homages to Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi. Our PM then went into the event like a true wingman, praising Trump for being “warm, friendly, accessible, energetic and full of wit” and saying India has a true friend in the White House. Trump, meanwhile, celebrated this dosti by also reinforcing that India has never had a better friend in the White House than Donald Trump.

The US President, as we all know, has been universally acknowledged — by himself — as the man with the best words, so obviously his speech was great. But our PM showed the world that he might have a few good words in him as well. His 45-minute speech was punctuated by constant cheering and standing ovations at every interval, especially when he addressed the abrogation of Article 370. The Paul Simon of the duo also recited two lines of a poem, and managed over the course of his appearance, to convince almost everyone in attendance that they loved Donald Trump just as much as they loved him.

To prove how committed he was to making Trump look good, our PM also shared some of his words with the US president. Modi replaced his own name with Trump’s in the “Abki Baar Modi Sarkar” slogan to apparently campaign for the US president in 2020. That’s the true power of this bromance. It’s a constant give and take. Reports indicate that the friendship is now going so strong, Trump plans to visit India soon. The US President hinted it himself, when he announced in typical bro fashion that he might have to come watch an NBA match with Modi in India someday. Yuge, if true.

Modi replaced his own name with Trump’s in the “Abki Baar Modi Sarkar” slogan to apparently campaign for the US president in 2020. That’s the true power of this bromance.

But no bromance is completely free of drama. Protestors gathered outside the venue while the two world leaders addressed the crowd. They were heard raising slogans against our PM for the Kashmir blackout, which has been on for over a month now, and against Trump for his general bigotry against people of colour and misogyny.

Not to worry though, the protestors were appropriately ridiculed by the IT cells of various parties back home. If the online warriors had been there in person, they’d probably walk outside the venue handing out tubes of Burnol themselves. Alas, they probably weren’t invited. 

Inside, Trump and Modi locked hands and took victory laps around the venue like they were having a fun Sunday afternoon chill at Dadar station. It’s clear that while Trump has to bid goodbye to PM Modi for now, there seems to be a lot to look forward to in this budding bromance. Let’s hope it comes in the form of a “Kem Cho Trump?” event in Gujarat sometime soon. That would be fun.

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