In a cruel and unusual case of “It Happens Only in India”, Shambhu Lal Regar, the man who committed murder on camera, has become a folk hero to jackasses across the country. Reports have emerged that he will now contest the Lok Sabha elections in Agra next year.

An exclusive report submitted by the investigation agency details the measures that were taken to bring the fugitive home. Claims Mallya’s escape plans inspired by Cartoon Network.

If Raghuram Rajan really wanted the PMO to pay heed to his report on high-profile fraud cases, he should have tweeted it to the official handle. Isn’t he aware that the PMO is more active on social media than anywhere else?

Thanks to PM Modi’s clout on the global stage, UNESCO has favoured our country, and selected a few clueless desi politicians for its new education scheme, part of its International Literacy Day initiative. Ram Kadam is expected to get a lesson on consent and Subramanian Swamy on… everything.

Ram Kadam launches new kidnap app, Rent a Raavan, in Mumbai. The service will be rolled out across the country once enough Omni vans have been commissioned.

No commas, no full stops, just 12 words mashed together. And rhyme schemes? Oh they are for the oldies and The Beatles. Us Instagram poets? We’re innovating with new ways to not tax our syntax – or indeed, our brains.

Assam and Nagaland are facing a deluge. As we saw in Kerala, the aftermath of the disaster will involve repairing broken lives, and warding off waterborne illnesses and epidemics. That’s why we’ll only get by with a little help from our friends.

Can we just ignore statistics and facts, and look at the good things demonetisation gave us? Sure, we are still waiting for ₹15 lakh to be deposited to our bank accounts, but the economic literacy of the country shot up faster than Mehul Choksi’s frequent-flyer mile points.

India was thrashed 4-1 by England but it is Navjot Singh Sidhu who had a worse summer. He has been accused of demoralising our soldiers at the border, and declared a puppet of the Pakistani government. All for attending Imran Khan’s swearing-in ceremony.

American propaganda continues with NASA announcing its Parker Solar Probe as the first mission to explore the surface of the Sun. Just like the internet, plastic surgery, and fire and the wheel, Indians were the first people to venture into the field of solar exploration.