I’ve imposed a ban on attending nikaahs within the family. Being Muslim means that I can marry a cousin. Which means the potential of a “bhaijaan” to morph overnight into a prospective groom is 100 per cent and family weddings turn into a cringey, IRL version of Minder.

In a cruel and unusual case of “It Happens Only in India”, Shambhu Lal Regar, the man who committed murder on camera, has become a folk hero to jackasses across the country. Reports have emerged that he will now contest the Lok Sabha elections in Agra next year.

The plot of Manmarziyaan is a story as old as time. It’s also a narrative that spans the breadth of mohallas across India where countless Rumis let go off their pehla pyaar and marry a stranger. Rumi is that woman discussed in hushed whispers in every small town.

In 2018, we don’t introduce ourselves on the internet. Instead, we ration our emotions, perfect our personalities, and assemble our opinions so we can sell ourselves as a faultless commodity. We create a brand of ourselves and then spend all our energy in selling the best versions of ourselves to people on the internet.

Patanjali has created a new “miracle” product that will not only act as a cheaper substitute for petrol, but can also be used as gomutra, fairness cream, and lubricant.

The rules written all over your office walls or the eager instructions sent out by HR in emails matter little. What’s important are the unspoken rules framed by your colleagues: Never leave your lighter unattended, office chairs are not public property, and the AC remote can turn into a weapon of mass destruction.

The murder of Dalit rights activist Kedar Singh Jindan in Himachal’s Sirmaur district, is a sign that the state has callously looked over its casteism for decades. It’s a problem that gets subsumed by a narrative of glittery mountains and wonderment.

Almost 40 per cent of WWE’s audience comprises women. Instead of the titillating and vulgar sexuality of the mid-2000s, can the world’s largest wrestling promotion give their female audience worthy role models to look up to in the ring?

We’ve long been accustomed to a bloated, overwrought kind of Hollywood film that exploits India’s poverty and suffering. Enter, Tabrez Noorani’s Love Sonia, that fetishises sex trafficking to eventually celebrate America’s saviour complex.

Alarm clocks are among humanity’s worst inventions. How did we all agree that we’d begin our day with a mechanical banshee shrieking and disturbing our beauty sleep? Enter the snooze button: the only thing that makes you feel like you still have control over your sleep cycle, when you don’t.