The Longest Coming-Out Party Ever

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The Longest Coming-Out Party Ever

Illustration: Akshita Monga

W

hen Karan Johar announced with his trademark flourish last Sunday that the iconic Koffee With Karan had completed 100 episodes, he did so while channelling his inner Dorothy in glittery red ruby slippers. Joining him in the walk down this yellow brick road, paved with anti-depressants and bitchery, were Salman Khan and Co, who fit the bill of the Cowardly Lion, Tin Woodman, and the Scarecrow, to a degree, which is in equal parts sad and hilarious. Salman Khan’s portrayal of the Cowardly Lion felt candid. Like the poor lion, Bhai also needs courage to admit that he’s done the rex with a few people (read, every woman, womanlike, womanish person in Bollywood). Tin Woodman (which is also a two-word synopsis of his entire acting history), Arbaaz Khan, just needs a heart post divorce, and poor Sohail Khan like the Scarecrow only needs a brain, so he could at least chime into the interview like he does on Bhai’s home productions. The men awkwardly arranged their collective muscle mass on KJo’s dainty couch and somewhere, the entire Wizard of Oz team, collectively gave up on humanity.

But I wasn’t hanging on for Dorothy’s red ruby slippers and Salman Khan’s reaffirmed virgin status as much as yet another reference to KJo’s sexuality, which I was betting my bottom dollar was coming. And it did! Salman lobbed the virgin ball back to KJo. “I’m a virgin and so are you,” he said, beginning a half-hearted enquiry into KJo’s sex life with that now-painfully familiar snigger that everyone on the couch has been coached into employing whenever they flirt with Karan and 377.

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