This Party Season, Behold The Seven Commandments of Pregaming

Pop Culture

This Party Season, Behold The Seven Commandments of Pregaming

Illustration: Juergen Dsouza

It’s Friday night and the air is getting hot. Like you baby. Ok excuse that crappy Whigfield song and let’s talk Friday night rituals. The workweek is over and you’re already thinking about how to get wasted, and we’re here to help you.

As  mortals, we’ve invented Jägerbombs, B-52s, and Patrón to make us feel so fucking bulletproof that we could fight a war buck naked. This feeling has resulted in partying hard, and then, partying a little harder. So dedicated are we now to the idea of partying and getting wasted that we’ve created a pre-party before the actual party begins. Welcome to pregaming, brought to you by binge drinking, the secret to every great night.

Now I’ve been to my share of mad parties, and consumed enough booze to keep me drunk for days on end, so I can rightfully say that pregaming is the professionally certified part of every night of epic partying. Thou shalt pregame to party hard and thou shalt do it well. Here are your eight commandments:

Thou Shalt Not Show Up On Time

Pre-gaming is technically starting the partying early, but you must show up late, ideally by an hour and half. That way you get into the party when things have already started rocking. The last time anyone was concerned about timings was in college for attendance and you don’t want to be that loser.   

Thou Shalt Not Show Up Empty Handed

We all know that guy. You know the one who shows up and drinks everyone else’s booze and brings nothing to the table. Nobody likes this guy, but, they still invite him out of mere formality. Hey, it’s a pregame sesh, but it still involves alcohol even though everyone is secretly hoping this guy drinks a little more phenyl and a little less alcohol. Don’t be that guy.

Thou Shalt Procure Chakna

Chakna is Robin to the alcoholic Batman. Without it, no party can start. Nobody should withhold the addictive taste of chakli when you’re burning up on four shots of vodka. Besides, considering your inner alcoholic is bound to come out at some point into the night, a bit of food would do you more good. Also, nobody eats at bars or clubs, unless you want to play 18 per cent GST.

Thou Shalt Not Stop Pouring Shots

Let’s be clear, the spirits that you see on the table are meant for consumption. Do not, under any given circumstances, stop pouring shots. It really kills the vibe of a great party. And, if people are being reluctant or choosy, just hand them a shot, and scream cheers. I can promise you that the entire room will down their shots. It’s a Pavlovian response.

Thou Shalt Not Pass Out

Pregames have the ultimate potential to get out of hand, but there’s always someone who would kill to sleep when all the madness is just about the begin. Do not let them. Everyone must be drunk enough to break the dance floor. Passing out is a sign of weakness. We’re preparing for war, people! Drink up!

Thou Shalt Not Throw Up

Throwing up at a party is very unseemly, unless, you throw up on someone you are crushing on. In which case, let’s just hope someone records it. The night is about doing enough shots so you can run like the wind, not so you lie face down in the pot, retching. It helps to know your capacity, but it really helps if you try to double it before the night ends.

Thou Shalt Record Everything

Nothing says best friends like sharing the gigantic fuck-ups from the night. From the first shot to hugging random strangers, to drunk people falling and tripping, record everything. Photographic evidence of the night is also helpful in case some of your friends go missing, decide to go on an adventure out of the club, or experience memory loss. Just, keep it to yourself.