By Damian D'souza Apr. 30, 2019
For ten years, ever since he first stepped into that crimson and gold suit, Iron Man’s been a role model. It’s not because he embodies my fantasy of being a genius playboy-billionaire-philanthropist in a high-tech suit who saves the day. It’s because of what Iron Man now symbolises – redemption through self-destruction.
Last week I made yet another pilgrimage to the theatre to watch Avengers: Endgame and worship at the altar of Robert Downey Jr. For eleven years, ever since he first stepped into that crimson and gold suit, he’s been a role model. It’s not because Iron Man embodies my fantasy of being a genius playboy-billionaire-philanthropist in a high-tech suit who saves the day while having a good time that borders on the bacchanal.
No, it’s because of what Robert Downey Jr and Iron Man in Avengers: Endgame, now symbolise – redemption through self-destruction.
When I say redemption, I don’t mean in a cinematic, feel-good, inspirational manner. I mean redemption of a visceral kind. The kind that goes from summiting the peak of success, to salvaging the broken-down heap of scrap that your life has become, then fine-tuning what remains before finally getting back into the fight. Broken, battered, but ready to take on the world. This has been Iron Man’s character arc, just as much as it is for the rest of us kooks, rebels, and madmen – people who live our lives without a middle ground, slowly imploding, hoping that there’s a slim chance with astronomical odds that our path to salvation lies in our self-destruction.
I first saw Robert Downey Jr in Air America on Star Movies at the height of his addiction to crack, smack, and everything in between. Back in the ’90s, you were more likely to see his name featured in headlines regarding a drug-related arrest or yet another rehab stint, rather than a credit roll of some summer blockbuster. That decade belonged to the gleaming smile of Tom Cruise and the subtle suave of George Clooney, not the gurn of Downey after a weeklong bender.
There’s something to be said about the urge to always turn it up to a hundred, to maximise pleasure, while inadvertently maxing out on pain.
The man did more jail time than most gangsta rappers and built up a resistance to rehab that would make Sanju Baba jealous. Stories are rife about him waking up in jail in a pool of his own blood and smoking crack in his psychiatrist’s bathroom. At the lowest point in his career, Downey earned only a fraction of the two-million-dollar fee he once commanded during better times in the ’80s and ’90s – which in turn is a far cry from the estimated 200 mil he’s going to pocket from Infinity War and Endgame and the hoopla they generate. He did his time wasting away on Hollywood’s underbelly, forgotten and alone, to come back as the tentpole that props up the most lucrative franchise in cinema to date.
Rising from the ashes like a phoenix is something I first thought about way back in 2008, the same year Downey scripted his comeback in the film that launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It was a memorable year for me – I’d just gotten kicked out of college after an attendance record of 22 per cent. I had been disallowed from attempting a biology final, so I went ahead and played Counter-Strike and later watched Iron Man. I’d drink every morning before college and had recently picked up a subscription to getting stoned. It was the classic case of a rebel without a cause. I actively sought out turmoil and misery, in the hope that it would somehow mould me into the tortured genius I saw myself becoming ten years down the line – and also simply because I enjoyed it.
Then I saw Robert Downey Jr in Iron Man, sipping whiskey in the back of a Humvee in the desert to the menacing sounds of AC/DC, and I saw the personification of my teen angst and grand ambition in Tony Stark. A slick, high-functioning degenerate who drank and fucked his way through life, without worrying about the consequences.
Tony Stark has a change of heart toward the end of the film, but it wasn’t one of those sappy screen moments. His change of heart stems from finding purpose. Mine did too. Where he wanted to become a superhero, I wanted to become a chef.
Tony Stark undergoes a metamorphosis from a spoiled, drunken manchild, to an altruistic saviour. I went from a hubristic arse, forced to hold down a couple of dead-end jobs that ranged from store-keeping at Nature’s Basket to customer service at a BPO, all the while picking up the pieces of my life and swallowing my pride. Starting from scratch was the only way forward, and I’m better for it today.
Robert Downey Jr has long since ended his tryst with drugs and appears to have transcended his once-conflicted life. From carrying the burden of addiction, to being the Atlas holding up the Avengers and Sherlock Holmes franchises, and going on to become one of Hollywood’s highest-paid actors, Downey is technically a recovered addict, trying to be better with each passing day. He is the poster child for seeking solace in self- destructive behaviour and coming out on top.
There’s something to be said about the urge to always turn it up to a hundred, to maximise pleasure, while inadvertently maxing out on pain. Why cruise comfortably when you can nose-dive into the abyss, and pull up when the bottom rushes up at you? In doing so, we opt to burn out, rather than fade away, hoping that a combination of grit and sheer luck might rekindle that same fire to burn brighter just like Iron Man in Avengers: Endgame.
It’s either that or bust, there is no in between.
Damian loves playing videogames. If all the bounties he collected slaying zombies were tangible, he wouldn't need to write such bios. Seriously though, Damian used to be a cook who wrote, now he's just a writer who cooks.