Making the American Immigrant at Home Again

Politics

Making the American Immigrant at Home Again

Illustration: Akshita Monga/Arré

O

n the day of the US presidential election, my local movie theatre had announced that it would be hosting CNN election coverage on the big screen throughout the night. There would be separate Republican (Red) and Democrat (Blue) sections so as to avoid post-election murder, manslaughter, and mayhem. I had campaigned furiously for Hillary Clinton in her bid for presidency because of the controversy surrounding whether Donald Trump was an actual human being.

It had already been an exciting day. Femen activists had stormed Donald Trump’s polling station bare-chested, chanting, “Grab your balls, out of our polls.” I too had stormed bare-chested into my Trump-supporting co-worker’s cubicle, holding in my hand an article that refuted the whole Hillary emails business in order to convince him to change his vote. Another co-worker had stormed into my office after noticing the Hillary bumper sticker on my car to show me a GIF of Donald Trump on a tricycle being chased by Hillary Clinton in a tank. A pregnant woman in Colorado had voted on her way to the hospital to give birth. Susan B Anthony’s grave was covered with “I voted today” stickers. The cemetery had extended its hours to accommodate all the stickers. www.DidHillaryClintonWinYet.com was up. And in the other camp, Donald Trump had been caught sneaking a peek at his wife’s vote and had accused her of voter fraud.

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