Wild Wild Mess: The Suffering Named Safari


Wild Wild Mess: The Suffering Named Safari

Illustration: Akshita Monga


afaris are the eternal journey of life peppered with anxious moments and finally disappointment. When you are a safari newbie, you are an eager bunny, full of hope and lots of energy. There’s a spring in your step. You wake up before the crack of dawn, happily haul yourself on an elephant. You even turn your nose heavenward when you discover that the elephant you are riding on has a terrible case of flatulence and crack silly jokes to distract yourself. Unfortunately, your jokes are so bad, all the animals hide for cover. You then take an open jeep ride and keep all your jokes to yourself. A few hours later, you emerge dustier than Gurgaon in peak summer. And all you have spotted at the end of it is tiger poop, tiger pug marks, and indifferent deer who sigh “ugh, tourists” every time you cross their way. 

The ferocious animals have sleep patterns of millennials. They nap all day and are up all night. But going to a wildlife sanctuary and not spotting any wildlife, is so blasphemous that it becomes your walk of shame. Especially when Pinky aunty, Rakesh uncle, Bose mashi, and her entire family tree have spotted not one but two tigers, three bisons, and half a cheetah (he was hiding behind a bush) on their last jungle safari.