Mother Superior: Why Fatherhood Will Never Be Equal to Motherhood

Modern Family

Mother Superior: Why Fatherhood Will Never Be Equal to Motherhood

Illustration: Sushant Ahire

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hen I had my first child, no one told me that parenthood is an objectively bad decision, where a couple turns their perfectly normal life into a literal and metaphorical shit fest. However, motherhood is even worse. It lays to waste, every long-held belief in the equality of sexes. Nature was not up to date with #MeToo when it envisaged the rules of procreation, and subsequent rearing of the spawn so generated. Its grand design can be broken down into a simple slogan, “Mothers do everything.”

Motherhood is starkly different from fatherhood. Fatherhood is like watching a movie on the couch; motherhood is like being in the movie, only the movie is 300 and you are on the wrong side of the battlefield. Even before you start hearing things like, “What?! He has only so much hair? You must have eaten a lot of eggs during pregnancy,” the unfairness kicks in the day your uterus starts throwing up blood every month, just to remind you that you haven’t yet made a baby. After about a decade or so, you become used to this monthly uterine tantrum, and life seems normal. Well, almost. Adulthood kicks in, and incessant stress over your ticking biological clock makes you enrol in a nine-month weight-gain programme.

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