Sexting for the Obsessive Grammar Geek

Love and Sex

Sexting for the Obsessive Grammar Geek

Illustration: Akshita Monga/Arré


’m a normal guy; I savagely hate people who typ lyk diz and nothing pisses me off more than seeing the words “hi dear” on a screen. I also don’t understand “why people ignore the little red lines under their sentences. Do folks think it’s for decoration?” Yes, it’s true, my friends frequently shame me for using words like “delectable” to describe a McSpicy Burger. And yes, this obsession with clean language has also spilled over into my love life.

Consider me shallow, but I’ve always found good vocabulary to be an immensely attractive trait. I mean, if a girl uses words like effervescence in passing conversation, I’m ready to have babies with her. Did you just say that I’m the guy who defines himself as a sapiosexual in my Tinder bio, the one you warned your friends about? Not really; every pleb who has read an Immanuel Kant quote and watched an episode of BoJack Horseman can call himself a sapiosexual. I, on the other hand, represent a more complex sub-branch of sapiosexuality. I have a sesquipedalian fetish.