Let’s Talk About Dick Pics

Love and Sex

Let’s Talk About Dick Pics

Illustration: Akshita Monga

I

woke up one morning to a shrieking phone. There were six missed calls from Miss Purple Lipstick (the executive producer, who gives feedback on my TV soap screenplays). As soon as the fact registered, the phone rang again; it was her. “Daaling, I’ve called you eight times. Are you dead?”

I cringed. Six times, I corrected her, pronto. “No, I was asleep, my phone was on silent,” I replied. She shrieked about some crisis on the set because Radha was unwell and we would have to shift all the scenes to the hospital, where she is currently ensconced. Can I change the location of the mehendi ceremony to the hospital? While she continued to push my sleep-addled brain with her ridonculous “creative” suggestions (Dadi can fall down the stairs and be taken to the hospital), I idly began to check my WhatsApp messages and saw 153 unread ones on the group chat with my girlfriends. I opened it and out popped a… wha… the… a dick pic! There it was, hooded, uncut, and baring itself in its shining hairless glory. Pissed at this unwelcome early morning visual treat (not), I pretended that the connection was lost and slammed the phone on Purple.

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