Ed Hardy & Other Absolute Nos

Love and Sex

Ed Hardy & Other Absolute Nos

Illustration: Saachi Mehta/ Arré


o. You’re a young woman out on yet another first date. You’re jaded, you’re faded, but you must do this because you promised your anxious parents you’d keep an open mind. So you order your teas and settle in to listen.

Information is pouring forth like cheap wine. Sun signs, family trees, first dates, last relationships, best TV shows, worst movies, and other banalities are rattled off on autopilot until your ForeverMoist lip gloss finally gives up and gets dry. But you find you haven’t yet come to the critical conclusion – is this guy worth a second date? He sounds smart, throws some clever quotes around, follows the Euros, has clean fingernails, and knows that Merlot is a wine (unlike your last date who, when asked if he liked Merlot, famously said, “Who is she?”)