{"id":932,"date":"2016-05-01T17:27:52","date_gmt":"2016-05-01T17:27:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=932"},"modified":"2016-05-01T17:27:52","modified_gmt":"2016-05-01T17:27:52","slug":"india-religion-christianity-hinduism-jagrata-ganpati-visarjan-jesus-christ","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=932","title":{"rendered":"The Father, the Son, and the Holy Rave Party"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span><\/p><\/div>

here I was at work, attempting to look busy while scrolling through Facebook, when it hit me between the eyes. I\u2019d stumbled upon an FB group called Stop Religious Conversion in India, which had a video of a Christian prayer meeting in Kerala. You know the template: A man of God speaks in rousing tones \u2013 and unintelligible language \u2013 to a large congregation of (often) sari-clad women and sends them into an epileptic tizzy by bumping their foreheads with the palm of his hand.\n\nIn the video unfolding before me, such a man was purportedly attempting to convert people to Christianity through the power of a blue CD. His flock was rolling all over the place, doing their best Amy Winehouse impressions (both pre- and post-mortem) and head banging like Lars Ulrich. But what this leader of the flock was doing was pulling the wool, from the lamb of God no doubt, over the eyes of people \u2013 who were just as much a part of the charade.\n\nThe man was leading a prayer meeting, a gathering where the devout give praise to God. It is the Christian equivalent of a jagrata, where the real housewives of Shalimar Bagh gather to groove out to the musical stylings of Gulshan Kumar and sing praises to Ma Sherawali, First of her Name, the Muse of Bhajankars, Merchandiser of Red Chunnis, Provider of Prasad, Protectress of 90\u2019s Bollywood Good Guys, and Mother of Tigers.\n\nThis whole shebang with the pastor and the hoky-pokey prayer junkies took me back to the time I was 16 and I went to a similar prayer meeting. What was I doing at such a meeting, given my healthy mistrust of religion? The answer, in one word, is Melissa.\n\nI had a crush on Melissa the moment I realised I wasn\u2019t really going to hell for having the hots for a girl outside wedlock. Melissa was, in her words, pious as heck (even the word hell was too hardcore for her). So in one of the most hare-brained, half-baked cons I\u2019ve ever pulled, I feigned an interest in all things holy just to cosy up to her. The light of God was my in, until somehow, I could bring her over to the dark side. I even let booty blindness trick me into accompanying her to a prayer meeting, her favourite thing to do on a Wednesday evening.\n\nThe spectacle began, at decibel levels that made Ganpati visarjans look like soothing lullabies. Lyrics about Jesus being our saviour were belted out over some pretty awesome guitar licks that sounded like they were \u201cborrowed\u201d from Zepplin and Floyd. Next, we were asked to hold hands and invoke the power of the Holy Spirit. The moment I was there for arrived: For a 15 year-old, overweight Catholic boy, it was like manna from heaven.\n\n

Brother Matthew had moved on to her and touched her forehead while muttering gibberish. She obediently hit the floor like a sack of potatoes with a smile on her face.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nWhat I hadn\u2019t bargained for though, was a personal visit from the brother who was leading the meeting.\n\nI felt a palm on my forehead, exhorting me to feel the power of the Spirit. I opened my eyes to see Brother Matthew, the man behind this whole God-and-pony show, standing in front of me. \u201cIn the name-ah of Jeesuuus-ah,\u201d he yelled, this time pushing down a little harder. The urge to let go of Melissa\u2019s hand and push back in the name of Damian-ah was building, but before anything could happen, I felt Melissa\u2019s grip loosen.\n\nBrother Matthew had moved on to her and touched her forehead while muttering gibberish. She obediently hit the floor like a sack of potatoes with a smile on her face.\n\nWhen the holy water had evaporated, I asked Melissa what had transpired. She said she didn\u2019t know how to describe it, but that she felt bad that I hadn\u2019t experienced it. That\u2019s when I knew that I wasn\u2019t the con in this equation \u2013 she was.\n\nI\u2019ve struggled to put the experience in words, but after swearing off prayer meetings and Melissa \u2013 and years of doing stuff almost every major religion forbids \u2013 I now have the perfect analogy.\n\nAt their core, these gatherings are nothing but religious raves, attended by those who want to recreate the unique feeling of being at a rave but without inviting the wrath of God or their mortal minders, parents. They are the first-time enthu ravers who take a hit from the joint that\u2019s being passed around and are instantly \u201cfucking high man\u201d. They are sober enough to do their taxes but pretend to be tripping balls just to fit in.\n\nHow else do you explain the people at these shindigs who go into fits and become possessed by a deity? The aunty whose body becomes the abode of the mata, the guy in a trance at a shrine, are all simply people having a really bad trip. Their drug of choice is the opium of the masses.\n\nMelissa did it, as did the folks in the video, as do the aunties at the jagrata who get a visitation from Mata. And Brother Matthew? Well he\u2019s the DJ who\u2019s actually high as kite, playing tracks, and controlling the energy in the room. Then there\u2019s me, the slightly reluctant raver who goes to Coachella expecting to hear some dhinchak Bollywood, only to go, \u201cYeh kya chutiyapa hai bhenchod\u201d, and walk out midway.\n\nThere\u2019s something to be said about collective effervescence, the feeling you experience in a large religious gathering, surrounded by the energy of hordes of faithful folks. In such a gathering, even a blue CD held against the forehead can summon the power of the Holy Spirit. At least it isn\u2019t a one-way street: As with any good rave, the raver has to be an active participant to feel the vibe.\n\nThe only difference is that there are no hard drugs at these raves \u2013 save for the deadliest one: Religion.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

After attending prayer meetings where people go into epileptic tizzies, I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that a religious gathering is nothing more than a rave party for the faithful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":933,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[1692,1693,1694,19,1695,1696,520],"class_list":["post-932","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-people","tag-christianity","tag-ganpati-visarjan","tag-hinduism","tag-india","tag-jagrata","tag-jesus-christ","tag-religion"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Father, the Son, and the Holy Rave Party<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"After attending prayer meetings where people go into epileptic tizzies, I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that a religious gathering is nothing more than a rave party for the faithful.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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