{"id":6384,"date":"2016-06-01T21:45:21","date_gmt":"2016-06-01T16:15:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6384"},"modified":"2016-06-01T21:45:21","modified_gmt":"2016-06-01T16:15:21","slug":"mom-and-dad-lets-talk-about-sex-sincerely-all-indian-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=6384","title":{"rendered":"Mom and Dad, Let\u2019s Talk About Sex: Sincerely, All Indian Women"},"content":{"rendered":"\nW<\/span>hen I was 14 years old, I dragged my <\/span>mother<\/span><\/a> to the latest Preity Zinta flick with the <\/span>very cool<\/span><\/i> soundtrack and the denim mini I particularly wanted. Little could have prepared me for what followed: <\/span>Salaam Namaste<\/span><\/i> was entirely oblivious to my hideously squirming, uncomfortable, wishing-to-disappear-into-seat self and displayed scene after scene of what now seems like laughably PG-13 scenes of Bollywood-approved lovemaking. Nevertheless, I squirmed and I shifted and I cocooned my body into a ball because this was woman and man, seemingly naked \u2013 rolling on top of each other and enjoying themselves \u2013 all the while thinking of what Maa was going through. I\u2019d assumed the weight of second-hand embarrassment. She must now know that <\/span>I<\/span><\/i> know what they do, men and women behind closed doors, and I\u2019d forever be judged.<\/span>\n\nI\u2019m not sure Maa even looked in my direction or uttered so much as a single word, except for the sweeping conclusion that the movie was nice, if a tad long. I went home, miserable, convinced that things were forever altered.<\/span>\n\nA decade later, when I was 24 and visiting home on break from work, my <\/span>father<\/span><\/a> decided to clean out the insides of my suitcase while I was asleep. When I woke up and discovered its absence, I ran to his room like a woman possessed. It was too late. I checked all its pockets and knew a switch had been made: the shiny, red offending box of ten ribbed ones \u201cfor her pleasure\u201d had been moved from one pocket to another, during his cleaning spree. It stared back at me like a horrifying reminder of what he had discovered: Baba knew that I knew too.<\/span>\n\nWhy was it so horrific that my parents knew I knew about <\/span>sex<\/span><\/a> and that I (horror) <\/span>had<\/span><\/i> sex? You see, if you\u2019re one of the fewer, luckier ones, you grew up through sit-down sessions about the birds and the bees. Not so with me \u2013 and perhaps, a million other teenage girls (and boys) in households across India, where offending channels were quickly flipped \u2013 and if they weren\u2019t, you joined the locally accepted <\/span>brotherhood<\/span><\/a> of watching your shoelaces in fascination until you knew the song\/scene\/ad was over. I danced this dance for a long time. So much so, that when I started to have sex and started to date, I told my parents all about the boy \u2013 and nothing about the sex.<\/span>\n\n

Why was it so horrific that my parents knew I knew about sex and that I (horror) had sex?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nHere\u2019s how conversations between Ma\/Baba and I have gone for the last 10 years:<\/span>\n\n\u00a0\u201c<\/span>(The inevitable)<\/span><\/i> Ki korchhish?\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cJust returning from dinner with (insert name of boy).\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cBaah! And how is (insert name of boy)?\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cVery well. We just finished dinner and are leaving (insert name of restaurant).\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cSo, after he drops you home, you\u2019re going to go to bed?\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cYes yes. Tired. After he drops me home, I shall go to bed.\u201d<\/span>\n\nThis subtle one-sentence charade that my parents and I have been playing for over a decade has served us well. Neither party lets down the other. They never had the sex talk with me so they want to hear nothing different from the script, I reason. \u201cThey know, parents always know,\u201d a wise <\/span>colleague<\/span><\/a> and father of a teen girl once tells me \u2013 but I refuse to believe him. Wouldn\u2019t my parents, otherwise the envy of all my peers for having met every single one of my dozen <\/span>ex-boyfriends<\/span><\/a> with wonderfully faked enthu, have dropped a hint here or there?<\/span>\n\nThey hadn\u2019t. And so I refused to, too.<\/span>\n\nUntil I couldn\u2019t. By early last year, I\u2019d already been in a serious relationship for close to three years and my boyfriend could no longer hide his grimaces when I did my nightly fib-charades and suggested the unthinkable: \u201cYou\u2019re a 29-year-old woman. Why don\u2019t you just tell your parents the truth?\u201d<\/span>\n\nI gasped. Had I chosen wrong? How could this tall glass of water I loved sleeping with suggest I break the secret covenant between my parents and I? He simply did not understand. I argued. I raged. I was finally won over by (his) better sense and, on my next trip to <\/span>Calcutta<\/span><\/a>, prepared myself for the apocalypse.<\/span>\n\nExcept \u2013 and here\u2019s the beautiful part \u2013 there <\/span>wasn\u2019t one<\/span><\/i>. It is true my \u201chmm\u201d-ing and hedging and using every euphemism in the book to describe my sex life to Maa would fill a comic act: \u201cYou know when I say he drops me home? Well, he doesn\u2019t <\/span>really<\/span><\/i> drop me home. Sometimes, he sleeps over. I mean, he doesn\u2019t really sleep. <\/span>We<\/span><\/i> sleep…. well, we don\u2019t\u201d. But the point is, she laughed outright and said, \u201cHow could you think I didn\u2019t know?\u201d I decided to let the pent-up \u201cbut why didn\u2019t you ever talk to me about it\u201d questions rest. The greater good had been achieved. Boyfriend would be happy and telling dad could wait for a better day.<\/span>\n\n

I basked in the wonderful joy and sheer smugness of a woman who had just discovered her parents knew she had sex \u2013 and sanctioned it.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nI didn\u2019t have to wait long. A few months later \u2013 and a couple of months ago \u2013 the boyfriend and I decided to move in together. I internally wailed, but this time, there truly was no way out. I sat the father down and appealed to his love for fixed deposits. \u201cThink of the money we will save, Baba, totally the reason to do this, joint accounts, shared bills, fatter PPFs….\u201d I babbled on, totally losing my head and convincing even myself that I was moving in with a man for solely budgetary reasons, love-shove be damned.<\/span>\n\nThen the father said some wonderful things. When was I moving in, he asked. Had I decided on a locality? We should probably get a place with an elevator for both sets of parents \u2013 and while I was at it, finally open that fixed deposit I had been babbling about. I couldn\u2019t tell you how I felt if I tried, except that I immediately opened a million rent listings for Delhi NCR to seek my parents\u2019 approval on 3BHKs and <\/span>pre-marital sex<\/span><\/a>. Had they always been this \u201ccool\u201d? I thought through tears I pretended I was crying on that 14-year-old\u2019s behalf.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThirty years of knowing your parents and they still manage to completely confound you. A fortnight ago, I brought my boyfriend to Calcutta to celebrate my <\/span>birthday<\/span><\/a>. My parents, without telling me, had cleared out a bedroom for the both of us to stay in. No questions asked. No judgments proffered. The boyfriend wondered if his parents would ever do the same, and I basked in the wonderful joy and sheer smugness of a woman who had just discovered her parents knew she had sex \u2013 and sanctioned it.<\/span>\n\nAs for the rest of us, I have very little advice except for the clich\u00e9d, <\/span>tell them anyway<\/span><\/i>. They probably already know. And if they\u2019re anything like mine, they\u2019ll surprise the pants off of you. Should they have sat me on a lap at pre-pubescence and broken down the human anatomy? Probably. But I\u2019m about to have my parents over at a house I live in with a man, and I\u2019m not complaining.<\/span>\n\nIf you think about it, I\u2019m living quite the <\/span>Salaam Namaste<\/span><\/i> life. Without the <\/span>unplanned pregnancy<\/span><\/a>, thank you very much.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My parents had never had the sex talk with me, so I reasoned that they wanted to hear nothing different from the script \u2013 even as a grown-up woman, I never told them that I had sex. Until, my long-term boyfriend asked me to have the talk. What happened next will shock you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":403,"featured_media":6385,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[2633,4460,228,10393,408],"class_list":["post-6384","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-indian-parents","tag-live-in","tag-relationship","tag-salaam-namaste","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"\nMom and Dad, Let\u2019s Talk About Sex: Sincerely, All Indian Women<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My parents had never had the sex talk with me, so I reasoned that they wanted to hear nothing different from the script \u2013 even as a grown-up woman, I never told them that I had sex. Until, my long-term boyfriend asked me to have the talk. 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