{"id":628,"date":"2016-05-11T10:16:38","date_gmt":"2016-05-11T10:16:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=628"},"modified":"2016-05-11T10:16:38","modified_gmt":"2016-05-11T10:16:38","slug":"salman-khan-karan-johar-koffee-with-karan-lgbt-the-wizard-of-oz","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=628","title":{"rendered":"The Longest Coming-Out Party Ever"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"container page-content\"><p><span class=\"dropcap\">W<\/span><\/p><\/div><p>hen Karan Johar announced with his trademark flourish last Sunday that the iconic <em>Koffee With Karan<\/em> had completed 100 episodes, he did so while channelling his inner Dorothy in glittery red ruby slippers. Joining him in the walk down this yellow brick road, paved with anti-depressants and bitchery, were Salman Khan and Co, who fit the bill of the Cowardly Lion, Tin Woodman, and the Scarecrow, to a degree, which is in equal parts sad and hilarious. Salman Khan\u2019s portrayal of the Cowardly Lion felt candid. Like the poor lion, Bhai also needs courage to admit that he\u2019s done the rex with a few people (read, every woman, womanlike, womanish person in Bollywood). Tin Woodman (which is also a two-word synopsis of his entire acting history), Arbaaz Khan, just needs a heart post divorce, and poor Sohail Khan like the Scarecrow only needs a brain, so he could at least chime into the interview like he does on Bhai\u2019s home productions. The men awkwardly arranged their collective muscle mass on KJo\u2019s dainty couch and somewhere, the entire <em>Wizard of Oz<\/em> team, collectively gave up on humanity.\n\nBut I wasn\u2019t hanging on for Dorothy\u2019s red ruby slippers and Salman Khan\u2019s reaffirmed virgin status as much as yet another reference to KJo\u2019s sexuality, which I was betting my bottom dollar was coming. And it did! Salman lobbed the virgin ball back to KJo. \u201cI\u2019m a virgin and so are you,\u201d he said, beginning a half-hearted enquiry into KJo\u2019s sex life with that now-painfully familiar snigger that everyone on the couch has been coached into employing whenever they flirt with Karan and 377.\n\nI don\u2019t know about you, but this season has felt like the longest coming-out party to me, hosted by a man caught up in an eternal toss-up between wanting desperately to come out and dreading our judgment at the same time.\n\nLet\u2019s take this from the top, shall we? In Episode 1, we were made to sit through KJo and Shah Rukh talking about their \u201cnude pictures\u201d and \u201ccouple status\u201d. In Episode 2, we were made to watch Twinkle Khanna\u2019s most brave attempts to coax Karan out of the closet by asking him to come and fulfil his fantasies with her husband. Then came a cheeky jibe about going to jail for 377 days. Episode 3 had us subjected to an awkward-as-hell skit by Arjun Kapoor and Varun Dhawan as two gay men, which made Arjun state quite blankly that nobody could play a gay man with baggage better than the host of the show. The following Sunday presented us with the hashtag product placement of Arjun Kapoor, this time between Ranbir Kapoor and Ranveer Singh as the object of their desires. And then came Salman with the 740th reference to KJo\u2019s sexuality in the sixth episode of this season, which has been a snooze fest sponsored by Valium.\n\n<blockquote class=\"quote--center\"><p>Meanwhile, from inside the closet, Karan Johar thinks he\u2019s started a conversation about homosexuality with his columns, shows, and lit fest shit fest.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\n<em>Koffee With Karan<\/em>, which is fast becoming the lead runner in the prize for \u201cCircle Jerk of the Century\u201d with the same guests answering the same questions, with the same expressions, has acquired a distinctly rainbow- coloured sheen this season. It seems to me that KJo has padlocked himself and created <em>Koffee With Karan<\/em> to cut a peephole into his own sexuality. (Pun intended, if there was a pun there. I\u2019m not that good with homosexual jokes because this is not the \u201950s and I\u2019m not a Bollywood megastar). KJo has fielded these questions for years and now that they\u2019ve stopped coming, he\u2019s trying to get us to ask them again, so that he can go back to fielding them. It\u2019s like a game of galli cricket after the mohallah ka jock takes the bat and stumps away, it\u2019s basically the bulky guys asking you if you can play catch-catch with the ball that\u2019s left behind. (To make a ball joke, to not make a ball joke? Again, I don\u2019t know.) Meanwhile, from inside the closet, Karan Johar thinks he\u2019s started a conversation about homosexuality with his columns, shows, and lit fest shit fest.\n\nYes, he\u2019s made the keywords associated with homosexuality mainstream, but he\u2019s never owned up to it. The idea is not to force him out of his comfort zone; the idea is to ask him to consider that his glib mockery and the crude jokes by his ilk trivialise the struggles of other people who do want to come out. If you cannot enable, you should not hinder. And if you think these sly innuendoes are helping, then the last part of my article goes out specifically to you.\n\nKJo, sweetheart, maker of fantastic movies and manipulator of NRI nostalgia, please stop. We know you\u2019re gay. We got all the subtle hints that you\u2019ve been throwing at us by Frenching men at roasts and telling Neha Dhupia you\u2019re not interested in her body parts. And guess what, it doesn\u2019t matter to us. Your self-referential gaydom is as exhausting as the second half of <em>Ae Dil Hai Mushkil<\/em>. Nobody will arrest you if you come out, people do not get arrested for that in our country anymore. For someone who made a <a href=\"http:\/\/photos.filmibeat.com\/ph-big\/2014\/11\/alia-bhatt-s-best-memes_141717133890.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">meme<\/a> out of a girl for not being well informed, you\u2019re certainly being hypocritical. And that\u2019s not the only thing you\u2019re being hypocritical about. We love you and what you represent, but your sexuality isn\u2019t what makes you fantastic. The fact that you can keep making the same movie with an alternatively dressed star cast and fam-friends every two years and still make millions, that\u2019s what makes you fantastic. If you must own something, own that.\n\nAs far as your sexual proclivities go, the nation does not want to know, but if you\u2019re going to insist on making our Sunday night your coming out party then for God\u2019s sake come out already so that the show may race ahead on it\u2019s path to acquire the \u201cCircle Jerk of the Century\u201d Award. Lest <em>Vogue BFFs<\/em> comes and snatches it away.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>KJo, sweetheart, maker of fantastic movies and manipulator of NRI nostalgia, please stop. We know you\u2019re gay.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":93,"featured_media":629,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[888,1155,240,1156,1036,419,1157,1158,1147,462,152,1159,1160,681,1161],"class_list":["post-628","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-ae-dil-hai-mushkil","tag-arjun-kapoor","tag-karan-johar","tag-karan-johar-gay","tag-koffee-with-karan","tag-lgbt","tag-neha-dhupia","tag-ranbir-kapoor","tag-ranveer-singh","tag-salman-khan","tag-shah-rukh-khan","tag-sohail-khan","tag-the-wizard-of-oz","tag-twinkle-khanna","tag-varun-dhawan"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Longest Coming-Out Party Ever<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"KJo, sweetheart, maker of fantastic movies and manipulator of NRI nostalgia, please stop. 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