{"id":4454,"date":"2016-04-15T05:17:45","date_gmt":"2016-04-14T23:47:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4454"},"modified":"2016-04-15T05:17:45","modified_gmt":"2016-04-14T23:47:45","slug":"50-going-on-20-obsession-birthday-milestones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=4454","title":{"rendered":"50 Going on 20: What\u2019s With Our Sudden Obsession with Birthday Milestones?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span>he minute I turn 50, I suddenly find a deluge of party invites from everyone who is also turning 50, waiting at my door. Being only a <\/p>social<\/span><\/a> recluse, and not antisocial, I muster up the courage to attend yet another one \u2013 the third this month. <\/span>\n\nYou don\u2019t have to attend more than one of these parties to realise that the idea of <\/span>intimate<\/span><\/a> celebrations has been long turned on its head. Life milestones that once happened to us quietly are now being performed for unabashed public validation. As with every trend, much of this grandiose celebratory spirit can be traced back to \u00a0the mecca of all bizarre phenomena \u2013 America. <\/span>\n\nThrowing a <\/span>birthday<\/span><\/a> party for a pet, gender-reveal parties by soon-to-be-parents, divorce showers, even creating Instagram accounts for newborn babies are in<\/span> fact, proud American legacies. By the way, did you know that baby showers are now pass\u00e9? The postpartum party is the latest fad. I don\u2019t blame you for being unaware: Indians are yet to catch up with postpartum exuberance, but we are making it up by leaving no stone unturned in curating loud public bashes for turning 50.<\/span>\n\nIn the past month, I\u2019ve noticed that all the invites I get are from my girlfriends. Do women pander to the call of the fifty more than men do? Even American <\/span>feminist<\/span><\/a> and author, Gloria Steineim, a big disbeliever of birthdays, threw herself a \u201cturning 50\u201d birthday party that was reportedly attended by over 750 people. When asked<\/span> about changing her mind, Steinem noted that \u201caging is still harder on women than men\u201d. It\u2019s why she claimed she went public with her 50th \u2013 \u201cto make a dent on the age barrier\u201d.<\/span>\n

I suppose nothing quite tells you that age is not just a number like hitting 50 does.<\/blockquote>\nI suppose nothing quite tells you that age is not just a number like hitting 50 does. Suddenly, punctuating mundane conversations with \u201cWhat\u2019s age got to do with it?\u201d doesn\u2019t seem so casual anymore. And so, a couple of months before the age brush can stroke us with <\/span>50 shades<\/span><\/a>, we draw up plans for the big jamboree. <\/span>\n\nMy grouse with these parties is not that they exist, but that some of us are desperate to show the world that this is what 50 <\/span>can<\/span><\/i> still look like. So the invites to these bashes are ultra colourful, like a stranger who is too eager to please. Sticking to script, \u201cSexy @ 50!\u201d announces one. \u201c<\/span>Feisty<\/span><\/a> @ 50\u201d claims another. \u201cOnly 50!\u201d promises another. If nothing, it\u2019s telling of the insecurities that keep us up at night.<\/span>\n\n\u201cI am 50 going on to 20,\u201d was the overarching sentiment for one <\/span>Bollywood<\/span><\/a> retro-themed bash I attended recently. It was clear that the theme was an ostentatious wink at the effort to resuscitate the birthday lady\u2019s sagging youth. The lady in question, wore an \u201cin-your-face fifties\u201d gleam in her eyes and a stiff neck \u2013 a result of an intricate Mumtaz hair-do. Her resemblance to the sizzling celluloid queen started and ended with that towering bouffant. <\/span>\n\nMy takeaway from that party was that no one really cares about us turning 50 except us. But does that pass muster, when we live in an age where beauty standards for even ageing women are relentless? In an essay in <\/span>The Telegraph<\/span><\/i>, writer Marina Benjamin, calls it the<\/span> \u201cmiddle-pause\u201d<\/span><\/a> that prods ageing women to be all the more alert to hitting the big five O. \u201c<\/span>For men, the <\/span>midlife<\/span><\/a> crisis, if it comes, is less about biology than society. If you manage your life well you can avoid it. In my conversations with women, it is the decisiveness and insistence of biology that is the trouble. We had assumed that ageing would move over us like a desert wind over dunes, bringing about a gentle shift in shape that would leave our essence intact. But for many women it hasn\u2019t worked that way. Ageing has punched us in the face like a thug and it has been transfiguring,\u201d she writes.<\/span>\n\nIt reminded me of the time a couple of decades ago when Amma turned 50 (it\u2019s cathartic to remember that the generation before ours also aged). The celebrations were the same as every year \u2013 all of us wished her and handed over a handwritten note expressing our love and acknowledgment for all that she has done for us. Although the words fell indecorously short of conveying the intensity of our feelings<\/span>, <\/span>she wasn\u2019t one to make a big deal, charting the \u201cachievement\u201d of turning 50 as a way of life: She continued to be the best mother to her three offspring, a loving wife to Appa, a self-made <\/span>woman<\/span><\/a> who taught herself to read, write and speak English, and a prolific Tamil writer. When the first few strands of grey stared back at her in the mirror as she ran a comb through her hair, she wore them with pride. A Mumtaz hair-do wouldn\u2019t have crossed her mind.<\/span>\n\nLike Amma, there are countless women who live down their 50th in the same way, who didn\u2019t let public validation dictate their personal turning points. Sloganeering amounted to nothing to them and \u201cgoing grey\u201d wasn\u2019t just a statement. They embraced their <\/span>age<\/span><\/a>, and not just the number. Maybe it\u2019s time we do too.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I suppose nothing quite tells you that age is not just a number like hitting 50 does. And we now celebrate it with a big, extravagant bash. Does anyone really care about us turning 50? Then again, does that argument hold in an age where beauty standards for even ageing women are relentless?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":335,"featured_media":4455,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[7925,2431,5536,7926,7927,735],"class_list":["post-4454","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-7925","tag-birthday","tag-celebrations","tag-midlife-crisis","tag-milestones","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\n50 Going on 20: What\u2019s With Our Sudden Obsession with Birthday Milestones?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I suppose nothing quite tells you that age is not just a number like hitting 50 does. 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