{"id":3332,"date":"2016-07-19T22:20:15","date_gmt":"2016-07-19T16:50:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3332"},"modified":"2016-07-19T22:20:15","modified_gmt":"2016-07-19T16:50:15","slug":"parenting-mother-toddler-children-difficulty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=3332","title":{"rendered":"Believe Your Mother When She Says \u201cYou\u2019ll Know When You Become a Parent\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

“H<\/span><\/p>ey, how’s <\/span>parenting<\/span><\/a> going? Your toddler is now 2.5 years? Are the nights difficult?\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cIt\u2019s mostly rocking!\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cThat\u2019s good to hear man!\u201d<\/span>\n\n\u201cYeah, like last night <\/span>she<\/span><\/a> refused to sleep and at about 3.45 am she asked for rice which she never eats but wouldn\u2019t relent so we got her rice and she didn\u2019t eat it anyway. But other than that it was rocking \u2013 I was rocking her till 3 am and my wife was rocking her after that.\u201d In this instance our law-of-conservation-of-energy-defying toddler was unwell, but an average day is not far off from this plot of a dystopian movie which Netflix would readily commission as an original *insert your own <\/span>Radhika Apte<\/span><\/a> joke here*. <\/span>\n\nIf I were to read this five years ago, I would have sniggered and left a comment to the tune of, \u201cYou need to handle your <\/span>toddler<\/span><\/a> better. Here are some tips\u2026\u201d Possibly in bold, with caps lock switched on. It\u2019s the internet after all, what\u2019s the fun if you\u2019re not simultaneously sure and angry about everything? But I feel differently now.<\/span>\n\nThere was a point in our lives as a couple when we had the exact certitude you feel about someone\u2019s parenting skills \u2013 when we were sure a toddler could be handled, managed, and disciplined better. That point was <\/span>before<\/span><\/i> we became parents. We would look at other kids and judge their <\/span>parents<\/span><\/a> \u2013 why aren\u2019t they doing a better job? And, if the irritation on our faces was palpable it would most often be met with a wry smile. What their politeness prevented them from saying was, \u201cOh you poor sweet innocent child, if only you knew.\u201d <\/span>\n

Now I am not saying that it\u2019s all doom and gloom with kids. There are moments of sheer joy when they learn something new, or say something clever.<\/blockquote>\nExperience, it seems, is the best <\/span>teacher<\/span><\/a>. And most often, the syllabus doesn\u2019t change. You know those punchlines that all Indian <\/span>mothers<\/span><\/a>, irrespective of where they come from, seem to know from the get-go? Wait, what do you mean you don\u2019t know what I\u2019m talking about. Here are the top three:<\/span>\n\n3. So, what if your friend<\/a> asked you to do something? If someone says \u201cgo jump in the well\u201d will you do that also?\n\n2. Don\u2019t waste your food. Do you know how many poor kids in Africa are dying without food?\n\n1. You won\u2019t understand it now, but you will when you have kids of your own.\n\nTurns out they all independently arrived at these gems without the benefit of WhatsApp or other <\/span>social media<\/span><\/a>. I definitely understand the import of #1 now, but when I used my wife\u2019s laptop for 10 minutes and received 17 remarketing ads for \u201cPunching Bag\u201d in different shades and colours, I realise that #3 was the actual one to look out for \u2013 you know, in relation to having kids. <\/span>\n\nYour parents will flat-out deny it of course \u2013 with a mix of \u201cIt\u2019s not <\/span>that <\/span><\/i>hard\u201d or \u201cWhat is the purpose of your existence if you don\u2019t bring forth progeny?\u201d or \u201cBut look how much joy\u201d. But this is the same principle based on which you have tremendous nostalgia for the <\/span>school<\/span><\/a> which you mostly hated going to when you were actually at that age. You\u2019ve just forgotten how hard maths was, how each impending test paper caused palpitations, and how those ugly and hard-to-manage braces made your acne-ridden face look even uglier. <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s based on the cognitive bias called Rosy Retrospection: We tend to remember the past in a positive light, and while that\u2019s a benefit for long-term <\/span>happiness<\/span><\/a>, it\u2019s a terrible input to give someone who\u2019s about to make a decision in the present. <\/span>\n\nThe bottomline is this. Bringing up a kid is hard, and no one gives you a toolbox to cope with it. Especially if you\u2019re in a city that\u2019s far from home, and there\u2019s only so much support you can rely on from the outside world. But you work your own way through it and usually after the fifth aborted movie-watching attempt with your baby, you give up and about six months later you uninstall the BookMyShow app to save some space on your <\/span>phone<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nNow I am not saying that it\u2019s all doom and gloom with kids. There are moments of sheer joy when they learn something new, or say something clever. Like, last week when our daughter was given \u201cidli with sugar\u201d she replied \u201cMamma, you gave me way too much sugar. I ended up eating \u2018sugar with idli.\u2019\u201d Naturally, I felt extremely jealous realising that I\u2019m already the third-funniest person in my small <\/span>family<\/span><\/a> of three. And also, extreme delight at the beautifully crafted joke from a two-and-a-half year old. <\/span>\n\nBut you see those saccharine-sweet happy moments on your social media feed all the time. And for some reason most <\/span>parents<\/span><\/a> don\u2019t talk about the more difficult moments. I think we need to, in equal measure. So go on, post that experience of your toddler tantrum on social media \u2013 you first of course, I\u2019ll follow, just in case I am parent-shamed. <\/span>\n\nAnd so, when we finally rocked our toddler to sleep in the wee hours of the morning today, my wife had a question for me. <\/span>\n\nR: Who are these parents these days with two kids. What\u2019s their thought process like?<\/span>\n\nMe: What do you mean? We have one and she alone is a handful. <\/span>\n\nR: Yeah, but we walked into it not knowing any better. These people had a *second* kid completely by *choice*. <\/span>\n\nMe: Well, actually\u2026 it\u2019s based on this phenomenon called Rosy Retrosp\u2026<\/span>\n\nR: Do you know what the phrase rhetorical question means?<\/span>\n\nAs I fumbled to find a comeback, she\u2019d already got up and left. I could hear dull thuds coming from the dry area in our apartment. Hopefully, she had got that punching bag. We all need our ways to cope. Maybe I\u2019ll write about it or something.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There was a point in our lives as a couple when we had the exact certitude you feel about someone\u2019s parenting skills \u2013 when we were sure a toddler could be handled, managed, and disciplined better. That point was before we became parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":287,"featured_media":3333,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[439],"tags":[942,6454,1772,471,1726,228,4667],"class_list":["post-3332","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-modern-family","tag-child","tag-famiily","tag-mother","tag-parenting","tag-parents","tag-relationship","tag-toddler"],"yoast_head":"\nBelieve Your Mother When She Says \u201cYou\u2019ll Know When You Become a Parent\u201d<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There was a point in our lives as a couple when we had the exact certitude you feel about someone\u2019s parenting skills \u2013 when we were sure a toddler could be handled, managed, and disciplined better. 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