{"id":2240,"date":"2016-07-29T11:12:32","date_gmt":"2016-07-29T05:42:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/dating-relationships-tinder\/"},"modified":"2016-07-29T11:12:32","modified_gmt":"2016-07-29T05:42:32","slug":"dating-relationships-tinder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=2240","title":{"rendered":"Bae-less in Bombay: When Mr Narcissist Meets Cool Girl"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

W<\/span>elcome to dating in 2018.\n\n<\/p>To those who didn\u2019t know better, here we are all Epicureans, soaked in culture. We quote Bukowski in our sleep and although we are looking for love, all we will admit to is, \u201cWe just wanna hang.\u201d We, the nouveau-intellectual tribe of India\u2019s urban pockets, are the converted liberals who <\/span>swipe right<\/span><\/a> with our guards up high and are open to the many formats of dating while we treat <\/span>commitment<\/span><\/a> like a cult practice.<\/span>\n\nPay close attention to this tale. It\u2019s called <\/span>\u201cPeople Who Cynic Together Don\u2019t Stay Together\u201d<\/b>. It\u2019s brought to you by <\/span>Tinder<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nMr S and I ditch the dinner route and meet for coffee instead \u2013 easy-breezy. Our coffee date goes on for four hours and when we hug each other goodbye, I am left wanting for more. <\/span>Guard up, swipe right, it\u2019s a match! <\/span><\/i>So<\/span> Mr S and I, over the course of the next few weeks, do everything \u2013 <\/span>movie dates<\/span><\/a>, drinks with friends followed by mindless kissing in clubs, rooftop dinners in Delhi\u2019s moonlit, nippy nights. We indulge in mutual mental masturbation invoked by our philosophies of life, through the night, as petrichor fills our lungs. We croon to Arctic Monkeys at 3 am, make travel plans to the hills, and since we are geeky, we make our goals sheets for the year to see how they align with each other\u2019s.<\/span> Rewind and Superlike. (Tinder Plus, anyone?) <\/span><\/i>He says, \u201cLet\u2019s go to Japan\u201d; I say, \u201cLet\u2019s go to a <\/span>sushi<\/span><\/a> place in Delhi.\u201d It is kinda perfect.<\/span>\n\nAfter three months of hanging out and with the \u201cto be or not to be\u201d looming over our heads, I contemplate the question that every cool girl, wholly aware that this question will cost her her cool-girl status, contemplates asking, \u201cWhat are we?\u201d <\/span>\n

For every narcissist that demands attention, there is a Cool Girl\/Guy willing to feed into their desires, until it becomes a loop of emotional abuse.<\/blockquote>\nThe Cool Girl, a figment of Gillian Flynn\u2019s imagination, is brought to life in David Fincher\u2019s <\/span>Gone Girl<\/span><\/i>. \u201c<\/span>Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don\u2019t mind, I\u2019m the Cool Girl.\u201d<\/span><\/i> Though Fincher\u2019s Cool Girl was an extrapolation of ingrained misogyny, my Cool Girl drew a line right there. Mine surfaced in more diluted, poised ways: \u201cI don\u2019t entirely agree with you, but I\u2019ll give you the benefit of the doubt.\u201d Maybe I\u2019m learning. Maybe in reverse.<\/span>\n\nAnd as for Mr S, self-proclaimed king of digital dating, he was playing Mr Liberal. The sexually liberal, the preachers of honest-to-god <\/span>free love<\/span><\/i>. The ones who, in the garb of challenging the status quo, operate in the grey or at least have the self-appointed \u201chall pass\u201d to do so. They put all their cards on the table \u2013 no lying, no cheating, no underhanded low blows, and no labels. Okay then. But (you know there\u2019s a <\/span>\u201cbut\u201d<\/span><\/i> coming) at some point as we craft our own rules, I begin to grow weary of being chill.<\/span>\n\nThis part of the story is called \u201c<\/span>Down The Rabbit Hole\u201d<\/b> and it\u2019s brought to you by <\/span>Uber<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nThe night I see him for the last time, we go to a rooftop bar with a bunch of friends, which eventually becomes an extended party of shrinking degrees of separation. As the night draws to a close, I book an Uber for Mr S and I, and one of his friends who lives en route. Logistically, it makes sense for me to get dropped off first. \u201cSo lovely to meet you,\u201d I excitedly express as I hug our friend, blow air-kisses to Mr S, and get out of the cab. The next morning, my Uber notification tells me that my cab mates went straight back to his place after dropping me home. (<\/span>Uber, you sneaky matchmaker!) <\/span><\/i>One minute you\u2019re sharing <\/span>cigarettes<\/span><\/a> with people, talking about that movie that changed your life, or the jobs we all hate, and the next minute, they\u2019re all <\/span>aliens<\/span><\/a> from a bad dream. Even in the most Lady Di-<\/span>esque<\/span><\/i> ways, scandal ain\u2019t pretty. <\/span>\n\nWhen I confront him, I am presented with <\/span>The Legal Handbook to Dating<\/span><\/i>. It is every Cool Girl\u2019s aspiration to never be directed to this document. She is supposed to be the inventor of this document. <\/span>The Legal Handbook to Dating <\/span><\/i>says that <\/span>I know this sucks, but we were never exclusive<\/span><\/i>. Sometimes it is a tough choice between being respectful and just having a good time, maybe? That day I take turns between feeling sick to my stomach and feeling livid.<\/span>\n\nThis third part would be quite familiar to many of you. It\u2019s called \u201c<\/span>The Land Of Food Binge Arousal<\/b>\u201d and it\u2019s almost always brought to you by Zomato. <\/span>\n\nWhile the remnants of my escapades with Mr S are fading off, I\u2019m trying to salvage a weekend and introspecting on the depleting calibre of my judgement with a bunch of friends. It\u2019s a pleasant weekday within a suburban living room in Mumbai. French Montana\u2019s \u201cNo I love yous\u201d <\/span>(\u201cWe can do it all night but no I love yous\u201d)<\/span><\/i> seems to be making a lyrical point in the background. Anecdotes from mental sorcery of dating are going down amid a bunch of serial daters while I\u2019m busy chugging pints of lager. We\u2019re biting into a whole lot of words like \u201cgaslighting\u201d, \u201cmega-dating\u201d, and \u201ccatch-n-release\u201d along with the gluten-free hipster pizza, as if these words were straight out of Wren & Martin.<\/span>\n\nMy friend Kim talks about \u201csubmarining\u201d, with an enlightened sense of being. You know, when an ex-date surfaces from nowhere as if nothing has changed, and as if you\u2019ve just been waiting for him like Rose from <\/span>Titanic<\/span><\/i><\/a>. Guffaws follow. Arjun talks of the woman who kept leading him on \u2013 \u201cbreadcrumbing\u201d \u2013 and then completely disappeared on him (ghosting). When did this vocabulary come into existence? (This is right before I declare that I need an annual cat subscription. Is there a start-up for that yet?)<\/span>\n\nBut the collective voice of this group, that is carb-loading on beers and home-delivered pizza, and legitimising the existence of shitty dating habits by attributing new vocabulary to it, is trying to convince me that it\u2019s all about volume dating now. And there are no rules. Oh there\u2019s also a breed of <\/span>sexist men<\/span><\/a> around the block who\u2019ve developed a pretentious new facade of being politically correct about feminism. How very exciting.<\/span>\n\nSo here we are, bae-less in Bombay, incapable of understanding that these dating stories were splitting the collective hearts of our generation wider and wider open. We admitted that, as a generation, we are all high <\/span>on our own selves,<\/span><\/a> finding many ways to validate our presence through instant gratifications, giving rise to a culture that might just be overlooking intellect and glorifying the notion of self-love at the cost of another person. And for every narcissist that demands attention, there is a Cool Girl\/Guy willing to feed into their desires, until it becomes a loop of emotional abuse. <\/span>\n\nEven those who\u2019ve survived the mosh pit of dating don\u2019t completely understand the economics of emotional abuse \u2013 the fact that the idea of \u201ctoo many options\u201d is worsening our quality of interactions and making delinquent behaviour more passable in bigger numbers. <\/span>\n\nMaybe, as we are busy swiping each other to the moon and back, we need a manifesto that declares the guidelines of ethical dating before this emotional abuse becomes the strangest modern epidemic of our times.<\/span>\n\nMeanwhile, I make the sexiest move I\u2019ve made so far.<\/span>\n\nUnmatch.<\/span><\/i>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mr Narcissist and Cool Girl ditch the dinner date and meet for coffee. They indulge in mental masturbation and everything seems perfect. After three months of \u201changing out\u201d, he hands her The Legal Handbook to Dating that says, \u201cWe were never exclusive\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":217,"featured_media":2241,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[983,505,334,4526,1712,224,80,4527,22,408,1051],"class_list":["post-2240","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-bombay","tag-dating","tag-delhi","tag-drinks","tag-friends","tag-love","tag-mumbai","tag-nights","tag-relationships","tag-sex","tag-tinder"],"yoast_head":"\nBae-less in Bombay: When Mr Narcissist Meets Cool Girl<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Mr Narcissist and Cool Girl ditch the dinner date and meet for coffee. 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