Police Ask Watchmen Who Changed Twitter Handles to “Chowkidar” for Proof

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Police Ask Watchmen Who Changed Twitter Handles to “Chowkidar” for Proof

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

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watchman from a famous PSU bank was summoned to Versova police station last night after he updated his Twitter handle to “Chowkidar Amit Tyagi.” Sources say the man was asked to prove through a series of tests that he was indeed a watchman.  

Police stations across the country have been on the lookout for non-chowkidars in the last few days. Ever since the Prime Minister’s speech, there has been a spike of Twitter users updating false information in their bios, just so they can avail of the benefits announced by the PM for the chowkidar community.

“The sub-inspector on duty asked me for 53 documents as address proof,” Amit told us after his gruelling session. “But I’m used to impossible demands now, after working 24 hours a day for the last many years. Last year, when I applied for an Aadhaar card, I had to submit my Aadhaar card as proof.”

After submitting his documents, Amit was sent to Room 1, for the first interview. “The police team asked me the definition of chowkidar, which thanks to the Prime Minister’s tweet, I know – ‘Everyone who is fighting corruption, dirt, social evils is a Chowkidar. Everyone working hard for the progress of India is a Chowkidar.’ I was immediately sent to Room 4,” he said.

In Room 4, the police asked him for proof that he had saved at least 2.8 per cent for his employer in comparison to his predecessor. A source told us that this very specific question had come to the police from a consultant in the CAG department. “Bank employees often ask me to order their lunch for them,” Amit told the police. “Taking advantage of various Swiggy offers, I’ve helped save over 30 per cent in some cases.”

The police team was so impressed by this answer, Amit was sent directly to Room 11.

“A man named Singh something was sitting there. He asked me if I kept count of every mosquito I kill at night to show the bank staff the next day,” Amit said. “But I work very hard. I’m not lucky enough to sit in a cosy air-conditioned office and play Solitaire. By the end of the day, I am so tired, if a snake crawls into my nose while I am sleeping, I don’t realise it.”

The impressed Mr Singh sent Amit to the final round, where he, unfortunately, ended up failing the final chowkidar test. “I had to prove that I had convinced at least 10 of my followers to change their name to ‘chowkidar’. But none of them cared about Twitter enough,” Amit said, standing outside the police station with his friend Prakash. “This is all because of you,” Amit told Prakash in front of hundreds of cameras.

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