Kingfisher Prison Gardens: A Jail Fit for the King of Good Times

Humour

Kingfisher Prison Gardens: A Jail Fit for the King of Good Times

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

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team of the best builders in the country has been assembled to create a new jail cell for former politician, businessman, convicted felon, and the man voted “most likely to pay servants to fight for his pleasure”, Vijay Mallya. The move was confirmed by Arthur Road jail authorities, who were understandably upset after a UK court, and Vijay Mallya’s lawyers, called the jail gross.

Sources say, a crack team of interior designers, food stylists, and vibe curators, who go under the banner JEERA (Jail Enforcement and Entertainment Regulation Authority), has addressed Mallya’s most pressing concern – the lack of natural light in Indian jails. JEERA’s proposed blueprint features hundreds of windows, all the better for the King of Good Times to enjoy Mumbai’s signature stench. He will also be able to host rich people parties on the lawns, where they can have many sex and other things (Full disclosure: This reporter has never been invited to rich people parties).

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