Bas Five More Minutes: Why the Snooze Alarm is a Lazy Person’s Greatest Frenemy

Humour

Bas Five More Minutes: Why the Snooze Alarm is a Lazy Person’s Greatest Frenemy

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

W

ake up with a smile, and the rest of your day will be a happy one.” I was offered this piece of advice from my grandmother when I was six, making a face while having upma for breakfast. The reason for my sour disposition at sunrise wasn’t the upma (okay, it was, but only partly), but simply the fact that I’m not a morning person. Asking me to wake up with a smile is like asking Vivek Agnihotri to be best friends with Ravish Kumar. The rules of reality will need to be altered before that happens.

However, this fundamental inability to enjoy a sunrise hasn’t stopped me from trying to find the wisdom of grandma’s words. Even though I still never wake up with a smile, it’s not for want of trying. At first, I thought I’d get a customised alarm tone in the hope that the strains of my favourite songs would help me rise with a positive attitude. The only problem was that I ended up enjoying the songs so much that I would let the alarm ring until the song ended, then hit the snooze button so that I could listen to it again in five minutes. Somewhere between the third and fifth replay, I’d realise that I was oversleeping and roll out of bed in a frantic rush. That explains why I cannot bear to listen to Pour Some Sugar on Me, Hooked on a Feeling, or Immigrant Song without feeling like I’m running terribly late for college, even if the songs are playing at midnight, and I haven’t set foot in a classroom in over five years.

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