Petition to Send RSS to the India-Pakistan Border!


Petition to Send RSS to the India-Pakistan Border!

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

Dear Petitioner,

On Sunday, RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat claimed that his organisation had the capability to raise a force in “three days”. Compared to the army, which would take “six to seven months” to do the same. Speaking in Muzaffarpur in Bihar, Bhagwat said, “Ours is not a military organisation. But we have discipline like the military. If the country needs it and the Constitution permits… it takes six or seven months to prepare an army… but swayamsevaks, if asked, can do it in three days… this is out what we are capable of.”

Never has a member of the Hindu right wing had a better idea! This is a petition to ensure that the RSS can go fight on our borders, shoulder to shoulder with the country’s brave soldiers – also the final, winning blow in any Twitter argument involving a member of the Sangh Parivar. Especially since the army is facing such a massive crisis of manpower.

The army is merely an organised military force equipped for fighting – what do they know about raising a force and protecting the country? They are too slow and inefficient, and the RSS can show them a move or two. What we need is the rich experience that the RSS brings to the table: A proud history of provocative speeches, peddling communal violence in sensitive areas, oh and that one time they helped demolish a mosque illegally.

It’s this specialised skill that the army is lacking, that has held India back in the world of chemical and cyber warfare. And the RSS will help bring a mini trishul to a nuclear attack.

This is a solution that works for everyone. The Indian armed forces have been witnessing a shortage of personnel for a long time, with the number touching almost 60,000 people, according to details provided by Defence Minister Nirmala Sitharaman in Lok Sabha. If that can be tackled by bringing together all the sevaks, former khaki shorts-wearers, holding bamboos sticks from around the country, we can get the fashion police to look the other way. After all, it is the rashtra that is of prime importance.

With a tremendous spike in ceasefire violations and terrorist attacks at the border over the last couple of years, Mr Bhagwat’s invitation to help the cause must not only be accepted, but also loudly cheered. Merely shouting and claiming to be patriotic doesn’t make people patriotic, and Mr Bhagwat is doing a fine job by extending help and calling out pseudo nationalists. It is time we support him and make it happen.

Sign this petition now.