I Am Not Lying About Rafale Deal, Let Noida Police Investigate Me: Dassault Chief

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I Am Not Lying About Rafale Deal, Let Noida Police Investigate Me: Dassault Chief

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

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he Dharmraj Yudhishthira of Dassault Aviation, Eric Trappier, is reportedly upset at the accusations levelled against him and his company by Rahul Gandhi. Trappier has now asked that all cases related to the Rafale deal be fast-tracked, and is willing to let the Noida police step in and investigate the way they did with the Aarushi case back in 2009.

“Mr Trappier is ready to postpone his pre-Christmas vacation indefinitely. He can go to New Delhi for a week or three years, however long it takes the Noida police to investigate,” said a man who swore that he was the spokesperson for Dassault. “Going by their track record, the Noida police will probably crack the case before Trappier’s lifetime membership at Appu Ghar expires.”

In the meanwhile, Trappier’s self-proclaimed ability of never being able to tell a lie, has proven useful in other areas. “We received a message from a TV news channel informing us that the nation has been waiting a while to know the truth,” the “spokesperson” said. “In that case, Mr. Trappier is ready to attend Arnab’s live debate show and help them figure it out.”

Nagpur is the real centre of India. If enemies attack from any corner of India, it can reach there quickly to thwart the challenge. Bravo Rafale!

Trappier has, however, put one condition for the producers before he attends the debate – he will only sit in a soundproof chamber at least 20 feet away from Arnab and Sambit Patra’s desk. “The last time Mr Goswami interviewed me, I lost 70 per cent of my hearing. Couldn’t hear a fighter jet taking off 10 feet from me,” Mr. Trappier said. “I was only able to recover after following Baba Ramdev’s Pranayama videos on YouTube. A small USD 9 billion deal is not worth that.”

On why Dassault rejected HAL for the deal, the company spokesperson said, “Their facility is in Bangalore. With the amount of traffic in the city, it would take three days for engineers to investigate a technical snag. Why burden taxpayers with that kind of excess?”

Hailing Dassault’s selection of a Nagpur land-based company instead, a politician from the ruling party said, “Nagpur is the real centre of India. If enemies attack from any corner of India, it can reach there quickly to thwart the challenge. Bravo Rafale!”

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