Putin Visit: Arms Talk Between Modi and Russian President Escalates to a Fitness Challenge

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Putin Visit: Arms Talk Between Modi and Russian President Escalates to a Fitness Challenge

Illustration: Arati Gujar

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s two of the fittest world leaders met in Delhi today, it was only a matter of time before they ignored all matters on hand and announced that they would have an impromptu fitness competition. Sources said it took merely three minutes for the Modi-Putin discussion on arms to escalate into a conversation about which leader had the larger bicep.

It began during a debate on the S-400 missiles, specifically whether the UIDAI server was secure enough to hide them from Donald Trump. President Putin casually remarked that the crispy fried fafdas lying on the table didn’t look healthy. A visibly upset PM remarked, “Fitness abs mein nahin hota hai Putin ji, woh toh antar aatma mein hota hai.”

Putin replied in Russian, but the Russian translator had been held up at the airport by a crowd of Arnold Schwarzenegger fans. A minister – who understands Russian because he’d watched Mera Naam Joker 50 times – was brought in. He said what Putin was demanding was a fitness competition.

Before the competition, Putin began boasting about riding horses into Ukraine, diving shirtless into icy Russian lakes, and driving a T-55 tank on the streets of St Petersburg.

Sports Minister Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore was called as the two leaders made their way to the sprawling lawns of Rashtrapati Bhavan for the challenge. Rathore announced that a well-respected fitness guru had been hired to judge the competition. “We initially wanted Salman Khan, but he was busy fighting Sreesanth in Bigg Boss. So we reached out to Milind Soman who just happened to be running a marathon on Rajpath at the time,” a source confided.

Before the competition, Putin began boasting about riding horses into Ukraine, diving shirtless into icy Russian lakes, and driving a T-55 tank on the streets of St Petersburg. This is when someone from BJP’s media cell pointed out, “Putin ji, we know you did not drive the tank. That was James Bond in Golden Eye.” An upset Russian president took his shirt off and that’s when some from the crowd screamed, “Oye Moscow ke Salman.”

Now it was our PM’s turn to show off his “STREANH”. He started out with a recreation of his popular “pancha tattvas” video – running on pebbles and lying on a giant rock.  The next routine was a slideshow of Modi hugging participants on Yoga Day. The PM even gave a 150-minute speech on the farmer crisis, explaining that a number of lathi charges have made the policemen of this country a lot fitter.

Our sources tell us that Milind Soman is still deliberating over the result. The winner will be announced once he ends his Lodhi Garden run. Until then the two leaders will celebrate the completion of their challenge with a plate of pure-veg jalebi, and discussion on the future of Goa.

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