Person of the Week: The Chaiwallah


Person of the Week: The Chaiwallah

Illustration: Rutuja Patil/ Arré


hat a week of wonderful contradictions this has been. As most of India tried to figure out how best to get the Pakistan out of Bollywood, one Pakistani man single-handedly created his own Bollywood movie. He came from the hinterlands of Pakistan, has “Khan” for a last name, made a few glasses of chai, was photographed without his consent, and has managed to land a modelling contract. All that’s left is for him to sing a long song about how badly he wants to have sex with his love interest for this to release on Diwali 2017.

For this exceptional feat, as well as his ability to make women’s nether regions melt, we are happy to announce that Arshad Khan, or “hot Pakistani chaiwallah”, is our Person of the Week. Bring Your Own Biscoots, because everyone at this party is going to get baked.
The photograph of this attractive 18-year-old (ahem) man has spawned so any conversations it’s hard to keep track. But we must address the most important issue first: Complaints have come in that several unwarranted chaiwallahs have sprouted up in the Lokhandwala-Versova region wearing Versace knock-offs and their grandfathers’ Rolexes. This isn’t going to work, strugglers. You are neither hot nor poor enough. Please go back to singing “Purani Jeans” at the Versova Café Coffee Day and writing poetry when you are not getting into unnecessarily aggressive fights at fashion shows.