By samit basu Aug. 15, 2016
J is for Jharoo, which sweeps away dust (selfie) Cleaning our country's an absolute must (selfie).
Ais for Assembly. Bills make us yawn.
But network is great, so we can watch porn.
B is for Ban, such fun to impose,
A ban every morning is the optimum dose.
C is for Cow. Cow is our mummy.
May it roam everywhere except your tummy.
D’s for Development. For all South Asians
It’s coming soon, now develop your patience.
E is for Energy. Power is Power.
Plants are being planted. Your land is our.
F is for Family. Key to our lives.
Lock up your daughters and find your sons’ wives.
G is for Government, Gods, Goodness unending,
And Gandhi or Godse, the verdict is pending.
H is for History, long may it last,
Distract from the present by fixing the past.
I is for India, our great motherland!
And also for Image (please see B for Ban).
J is for Jharoo, which sweeps away dust (selfie)
Cleaning our country’s an absolute must (selfie).
K is for Kashmir. Take note of our borders
And don’t show wrong maps. These are our orders.
L is for Laws, which you must all always follow,
And never call medieval, colonial or hollow.
M is for Modi, may his name be blessed!
Fighter of crocodiles, always best dressed.
N is for Net, which is highly suspicious.
Too much voice makes peasants both vain and vicious.
O is for Ordinance, Obedience and Om,
And also for Orderly Ideal Home.
P is for Politics. We’re always trying.
Please always trust us. We’re never lying.
Q is for queue. An orderly line,
You must maintain it, if we don’t it’s fine.
R is for Rape. So many to blame,
But let’s not discuss it, it brings India shame.
S is for Secular, all Indians are brothers,
Some brothers may be less bro-ly than others.
T is for Tech. Bright futures, hurray!
Also for Tricolour, please don’t display.
U is for Unity and Understanding
Please know there are worse places than where you’re standing.
V is for Vote, our great motivation
National pastime of our near-perfect nation.
W is for West, the despoiler of values
And also for Women, the cookers of aloos.
X is for algebra, which we invented
Like everything else that the West patented.
Y is for Youth both sanskaari and trendy
Youth doing Yoga, biddable, bendy.
Z is for Z-class for relatives and sages.
Watch them and feel joy – you pay their wages.
Samit Basu is a writer of books, films, and comics. His first novel, The Simoqin Prophecies, was published when he was 23. His superhero novels Turbulence and Resistance have been well- received worldwide. He can be found on Twitter, @samitbasu.