Nursery Rhymes of India

Humour

Nursery Rhymes of India

Illustration: Mudit Ganguly

Ais for Assembly. Bills make us yawn.
But network is great, so we can watch porn.

B is for Ban, such fun to impose,
A ban every morning is the optimum dose.

C is for Cow. Cow is our mummy.
May it roam everywhere except your tummy.

D’s for Development. For all South Asians
It’s coming soon, now develop your patience.

E is for Energy. Power is Power.
Plants are being planted. Your land is our.

F is for Family. Key to our lives.
Lock up your daughters and find your sons’ wives.

G is for Government, Gods, Goodness unending,
And Gandhi or Godse, the verdict is pending.

H is for History, long may it last,
Distract from the present by fixing the past.

I is for India, our great motherland!
And also for Image (please see B for Ban).

J is for Jharoo, which sweeps away dust (selfie)
Cleaning our country’s an absolute must (selfie).

K is for Kashmir. Take note of our borders
And don’t show wrong maps. These are our orders.

L is for Laws, which you must all always follow,
And never call medieval, colonial or hollow.

M is for Modi, may his name be blessed!
Fighter of crocodiles, always best dressed.

N is for Net, which is highly suspicious.
Too much voice makes peasants both vain and vicious.

O is for Ordinance, Obedience and Om,
And also for Orderly Ideal Home.

P is for Politics. We’re always trying.
Please always trust us. We’re never lying.

Q is for queue. An orderly line,
You must maintain it, if we don’t it’s fine.

R is for Rape. So many to blame,
But let’s not discuss it, it brings India shame.

S is for Secular, all Indians are brothers,
Some brothers may be less bro-ly than others.

T is for Tech. Bright futures, hurray!
Also for Tricolour, please don’t display.

U is for Unity and Understanding
Please know there are worse places than where you’re standing.

V is for Vote, our great motivation
National pastime of our near-perfect nation.

W is for West, the despoiler of values
And also for Women, the cookers of aloos.

X is for algebra, which we invented
Like everything else that the West patented.

Y is for Youth both sanskaari and trendy
Youth doing Yoga, biddable, bendy.

Z is for Z-class for relatives and sages.
Watch them and feel joy – you pay their wages.

 

Humour
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samit basu

Samit Basu is a writer of books, films, and comics. His first novel, The Simoqin Prophecies, was published when he was 23. His superhero novels Turbulence and Resistance have been well- received worldwide. He can be found on Twitter, @samitbasu.

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