Why Only Russia’s Highest Civilian Award? Give Modi the Wright Brothers Travel Blogger Prize Already

Humour

Why Only Russia’s Highest Civilian Award? Give Modi the Wright Brothers Travel Blogger Prize Already

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

Prime Minister Narendra Modi has been awarded Order of St Andrew the Apostle, the highest order of the Russian Federation, and as an average Joe, now working in a cubicle from nine to nine, who also mentioned the pointless certificates he has earned in his CV to land a job, I relate to our Pradhan Sevak. Now that’s a true people’s leader.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who study hard, get into IITs/IIMs, and those who try to fool HR managers with their IIPM diploma degree. Let’s face it, most of us belong to the latter category; we look back at our achievements and feel the same way Parthiv Patel and Upen Patel feel about their careers – what’s the point of it anyway?

And folks like us who struggle to meet expectations, sugarcoat the 42 per cent on our Std X marksheet by listing down “extra curricular activities” along with as many worthless certificates as possible: From the second prize in recitation competition to playing district level volleyball at the under-14 level. Modi ji, or as uncles on Whatsapp call him, UNESCO’s Most Hardworking Prime Minister in the World, is no different. What “Computer Basics Course” certificate is to us, the Seoul Peace Prize is to Modiji.

And in the middle of election season, it is time to collect as many prizes as possible. If you think about it, the polls are like a job interview, but instead of a three-member panel, a country of one billion people is asking questions that can crush your soul and bruise your ego. “Acche din kab aayenge?” “Where is Vikas?” “When will the Ram Mandir be built?” “How to avail of the Rs 15 lakh rupee promised to us?” “What is the GST on sex toys?” and most importantly, “Why is Vivek Oberoi playing Modi?” One might have no answers to the questions posted, but when you’ve applied for a job and are in the middle of an interview, you got to find the damn answers.

For us mortals, if they ask us about coding languages, we tell them how we can speak French (because we studied it for a year in college). If they try to trap us with technical questions, we divert the conversation to how we were volunteers during college festivals, and if they ask us what we have done in the last five years, we ask them what did Jawaharlal Nehru do?

I believe we do not appreciate our PM enough.

And that’s exactly what the PM’s strategy is. Make us forget about black money and instead make us count the medals he has earned. It’s a masterstroke.

But there are few who appreciate our Great Leader. As Modi tries to win as many brownie points as possible, there are some people playing party pooper – of course it’s Rahul baba and the libarandu lot.

When Modi was awarded the Philip Kotler Presidential Award, they took the moral high ground, asking what was the process of bestowing the award on the PM? And who was the jury? Sore losers, I tell you. These are the same guys who complained to teacher when you didn’t do homework in school.

So what if the Prime Minister got an award from a marketing guru? At least that proves that Modi ji is good at marketing. Have you seen the Namo Again merchandise and Mai Bhi Chowkidar tea cups? And remember how he has subtly made the Nehru jacket, the Modi jacket? Hell, give him the first-ever Yves St Laurent Award for the Most Fashion-Forward Politician, already.

And for being the unofficial brand ambassador for Paytm and being the only PM to focus on launching an app than petty problems of farmers and economy, let’s hand him the Mark Zuckerberg Digital Guru award. I purchased a fridge magnet from the PM’s app and my refrigerator that had cooling issues, is now miraculously working fine. Aur kitne acche din chahiye?

I believe we do not appreciate our PM enough. And whether we award him another term or not, we should felicitate him with more certificates and prizes that truly do justice to his accomplishments and greatness. I propose Amitabh Bachchan present him “The Bol Bachchan Award for Eloquence”, NASA award him with the “Wright Brothers Travel Blogger Prize”, and Jennifer Aniston honour him with the “M.I.T.R.O.N. Hug De Award”.

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