Mumbai Invokes God Sachin, Prays Petrol Prices Fall in “Nervous Nineties”


Mumbai Invokes God Sachin, Prays Petrol Prices Fall in “Nervous Nineties”

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

Petrol price in Mumbai is on its way to make its debut century soon, probably in lesser time than it takes Virat Kohli to lose all his reviews in a Test match. Except soothing words from the honourable Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis, that the state government is working on various proposals to give relief to the people, Mumbaikars have nothing else to fall back on. They are as disappointed as all of India has been with Shikhar Dhawan and KL Rahul’s performance in the ongoing England Test series.

With no respite in sight on fuel prices, they are hoping the God of Cricket, Sachin Tendulkar, will intervene and come to their rescue. Mumbaikars hope the rise in petrol prices will go the Sachin way – simply crawl after reaching the 90 mark. Wonder who will be India’s Shane Warne or James Anderson. Who will come along and end the stellar run of petrol? Maybe Elon Musk and cars that run on weed.

“It seems the current government does not want to relent, they want to maintain its Virender Sehwag-type form and allow petrol to hit its maiden century with a couple of VAT sixes in no time. If that happens we will be completely demolished,” said an aam Mumbaikar, who dived full length to his right to save a couple of drops of petrol falling on the ground due to the negligence of the petrol pump worker.

“Every drop counts. Boond boond se hi petrol tank bharta hai,” he added.

A few Mumbaikars are contemplating moving to Rajasthan, where the government has announced four per cent reduction in tax. “Who cares about media gags and immunity bills or if Padmaavat releases or not. What’s the point of all this anyway? In Mumbai, I may not be able to fill fuel to even go to the theatre,” said another angry citizen.

While most Mumbaikars have given up hope, Sachin-crazed fans have decided to hold a hawan to invoke their God. “The world will soon see the power of the nervous nineties,” said the president of the Sachin Tendulkar Fan Club. With that, he walked off chanting, “Sachiinnn, Sachiiiiin.”