Once Upon a Time in Upper Juhu


Once Upon a Time in Upper Juhu


here is an important thing anyone wanting to live in Mumbai should know – judging people for where they live is a full-time occupation. The townies, who do most of the judging, are the notorious snobs who think travelling for 45 minutes is as big an achievement as graduating from an ivy-league college. The suburban kids – or “NoBros” – have such a deep complex about their origins that they are 90 times more likely to get into a fight with you over a rickshaw. Deep in the eastern suburbs, in a place called Kanjurmarg, a new crop is emerging — the “NewLows” — courtesy Kanakia’s latest architectural wonder, Zen Garden, which is an ironic name, considering the eastern side of Mumbai is like the black hole in Interstellar — you pass through feeling like shit but come out on the other side relieved and thinking about loved ones. In the middle of all this mess sits posh Bandra where the people are pretty and houses have balconies, but tomatoes cost ₹100 a kilo.

If Bandra is the Queen of the suburbs, Lokhandwala is the earnest knight, Borivli the court jester, and Powai is the butt of all jokes that only has Goregaon to turn its nose on. And so we go, turning our noses down the line, until we’re finally at Pune, which might as well be Pluto.