Horrorscopes: May this Month Have a Swift End


Horrorscopes: May this Month Have a Swift End

Illustration: Juergen Dsouza


aurus: The extinguishing of a bright and glorious star will suck out the beauty from your Universe. If Vinod Khanna was the epitome of good looks, you shall become his polar opposite. Expect the sudden growth of a unibrow, the appearance of severe acne, the growth of double, triple, and quadruple chins, and a constantly leaking nose for the next two weeks.

Gemini: The planets are in a harmonious position, the stars have aligned, and the heavens smile down upon you. You will have a perfect week, unless you encounter an American citizen. This chance meeting could set off a chain reaction of events leading to Donald Trump attacking North Korea and kick-starting World War III.