Modi Won’t Attend Kite Festival This Year; Says Only Need Mic To Lapet

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Modi Won’t Attend Kite Festival This Year; Says Only Need Mic To Lapet

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

Prime Minister Narendra Modi won’t be attending the International Kite Festival in Ahmedabad during this year’s Makar Sankranti celebrations. According to our sources close to the PMO, the PM believes that he doesn’t need a kite and manja but merely a microphone to lapet. The PM’s press secretary confirmed that this has nothing to do with the electoral defeats BJP has suffered in the Hindi Heartland or the monotonous 45 days he has spent inside India without touching any foreign shores.

“To tell you the truth, the PM is bored of flying kites in the traditional manner, climbing on top of a terrace, eating til chikki, blasting Falguni Pathak songs and shouting ‘lapet’ everytime someone’s kite gets cut,” said our source. “When it comes to lapetting, he prefers to use the microphone to communicate effectively, be it from the Red Fort or Doordarshan office. With a kite you can only lapet one person at a time, with a microphone you can lapeto the entire country,” he added.

By the looks of it, the PM means serious business now considering we are so close to the next election.

“No more time for PM to do unimportant stuff from here onwards like inviting Israeli PM and taking a stroll on the beach while discussing the latest episode of Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai. It’s general election time and like the 2014 election, he needs to be in full lapet mode by promising achche din and 15 lakh rupees in people’s bank accounts,” said a political analyst while commenting on the election.

PM believes that he doesn’t need a kite and manja but merely a microphone to lapet.

While issuing a warning on complacency, the analyst added “Only one Alok and one Urjit are retired hurt and out of the way.  But IRCTC is still slow, bullet train is not yet ready, Bua-Bhatija are claiming they are battle ready. Abki baar aur lapetna padega yaar.”

“Biggest challenge I see is that they have to take Vikas to all corners of India and tell the people of India that if you give us five more years, Vikas will sit next to Amit Bhai while having dinner at your house. But many of us have not seen Vikas unless he is residing somewhere inside newly printed notes.”

A BJP spokesperson countered the analyst’s view. “Whatever we do, there are people like you who would doubt Vikas is not seen anywhere. For that only we have placed an order for Namo Again Mr India glasses, through which you can see Vikas clearly.”

However, there are people who believe all is not lost for BJP. “Sabka saath is showing lots of traction. Who would have thought Rahul Gandhi who has shouted the word ‘Rafale’ more than Arnab has shouted Urban Naxals will be aligned with PM when it comes to Sabarimala tradition? If Rahul has fallen in line, soon others will as well. As they say after four chaas glasses in Surat during Makar Sankanti, ‘lapeeeeet’”.

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