Person of the Week: Amit Shah


Person of the Week: Amit Shah

Illustration: Mandar Mhaskar

This past week, BJP president and Instigator-in-Chief, Amit Shah, dropped the latest entrant to the We Have No Freaking Idea How Acronyms Really Work (WHNFIHARW) club on an unsuspecting crowd in Uttar Pradesh, shattering the long-standing assumption that Prime Minister Narendra Modi aka Black Money’s Greatest Nemesis (BMGN), was the only person gifted enough to go where no acronym has ever gone before.

Addressing an election rally in Gorakhpur, Amit Shah explained to the people of Uttar Pradesh that development will continue to elude the state until its people get rid of KASAB, a collective reference to BJP’s main rivals, Congress (KA), the Samajwadi Party (SA), and the Bahujan Samaj Party (B).

“In this election, people of UP should get rid of Kasab. I say it again, people of UP should get rid of Kasab. Do not take any other meaning when I say Kasab. What I mean by KASAB is — KA for Congress, SA for Samajwadi Party and B for BSP,” Shah bellowed in Hindi.

After basically equating BJP’s rivals to a Pakistani terrorist involved in the 26/11 Mumbai attacks, Amit Shah went on to provide additional compelling political discourse by reminding people that the Samajwadi Party is notorious for its religious prejudices. “They will ask you your religion, and if they don’t like it, they won’t give you a laptop,” he warned his audiences. That’s right — this is Amit Shah defending religious discrimination. At a BJP rally. Now we’ve seen everything.

As irony rolled over its grave senseless, we learned two crucial things about the BJP president this week: 1) his metaphor game is a whole new level of lit 2) his understanding of the concept of subtlety is less than Rahul Gandhi’s understanding of the movie Inception.

In true BJP fashion, Shah ended his speech by taking a dig at a man who is so used to being called out at rallies, he needs special pills to fall asleep, Congress Vice-President Rahul Gandhi.

In contrast, the prime minister’s earlier plea to the people of UP to “rid the state of SCAM,” referring to the SP, Congress, Akhilesh Yadav and Mayawati, now appears as ineffective as Urjit Patel’s tenure as RBI Governor. It seems at this point that the only person capable of stealing Narendra Modi’s thunder without being handed a one-way ticket to Pakistan is Amit Shah, bff extraordinaire and the Rahul to Modi’s Anjali.

In fact, Shah is so done campaigning in UP that he has decided it’s about time he stopped pretending that BJP gives a shit about Vidyut, Kanoon, Sadak (VIKAS) and instead drive home the noble point that is of utmost importance – only Hindu votes matter.

Haters will say that when Amit Shah demands the elimination of KASAB from the state, he’s unashamedly targeting one particular community. But it takes a real deshbhakt to have all the facts in front of them and yet dismiss it as fiction. It’s sort of like how Salman Khan fans believe he could’ve never killed the blackbuck. Or how Donald Trump supporters believe that he actually has the best words. It is after all, the era of post-truth. Time to bid goodbye to Pro-People Good Governance (P2G2).

In true BJP fashion, Shah ended his speech by taking a dig at a man who is so used to being called out at rallies, he needs special pills to fall asleep, Congress Vice-President Rahul Gandhi. For good measure, Shah made sure to include Rahul’s new partner in bromance, Samajwadi Party’s Akhilesh Yadav, in his potshot. He nicknamed both of them “shehzaade” (princes) — adding that one has been giving his mother tough times and the other is giving his father tough times, thereby appealing to the people of UP to instead vote for the ones who started handing out the currency of tough times to the nation since November 8, 2016.

Either way, for creating a KASAB out of his “shehzaade” rivals, making promises longer than the coastline of his home state, and ironically exuding the same confidence of BJP victory he had during the Bihar and Delhi elections, it is with great Bharatiya Janta ka Pyaar (BJP) that we declare dear Amit Shah as our Person of the Week. Evade a few criminal charges and strategise a poll campaign because at this party, nobody wants to be a minority.