Mahagathbandhan Leaders to Play PUBG to Finalise PM Candidate

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Mahagathbandhan Leaders to Play PUBG to Finalise PM Candidate

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

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eaders of various political parties that attended the Saturday Mahagathbandhan rally in Kolkata showed remarkable saiyam in not endorsing themselves or their party bosses as the best PM candidate to take on incumbent Narendra Modi.

However, post the rally, some people have accused their leaders of being hollow and lacking a clean image to become an alternative option to the ruling coalition. Rubbing salt into their wounds is the ruling party, that is constantly mocking the Mahagathbandhan by daring them to announce their PM candidate.

“Things have changed over the last 48 hours; a consensus has been developed among our leaders to find the best suitable person to lead our alliance,” said a Mahagathbandhan leader who had been tasked to manage the selection process.

“I proposed we should settle it over a game of PUBG and I’m glad all the contenders have accepted my proposal,” said the leader.

On his reason to choose PUBG, the leader said, “EVMs are a strict NO as most of us do not have any confidence in 21st-century technology. We thought about voting through paper ballots at some centralised location but there were logistical issues as it is not easy to assemble all our leaders at one place.”

“Mamatadi won’t turn up if Rahul Ji is there and vice versa. Rahul ji won’t show up if timing clashes with Chhota Bheem. If Mayawati decides to come by helicopter, Omar ji and Farooq ji also want separate helicopters even though they come from the same house. Akhilesh ji needs permission from his father for everything and HD Kumaraswamy doesn’t want to be away from Karnataka for even five minutes or he will lose two more MLAs. Arvind ji always ends up taking a u-turn at the last moment from any location that we decide. How can I control if someone pulls him and hugs him forcibly? I just want to avoid all this.”

On the rules and regulations for the game, the leader said, “100 candidates can participate and there is 10 per cent reservation for those over 70 years of age as 2024 will be too late for them. The rest of the slots will be filled on first-come, first-served basis. Only one candidate per family dynasty will be allowed. All candidates will be asked to land in Pochinki and last person to survive wins. One can form their own squads and revive their leader as many times as they want. One is also free to distribute supplies among their squad like it happened during the CWG scam. Bindaas khelo, if one wants to sacrifice himself for his leader, go for it. End mein Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander.”

After the hearing the news that there is a game like PUBG to settle scores, two Karnataka congress MLAs who were involved in an ugly brawl have told their party bosses that from here on, it’s better if we shoot each other online rather than punching each other offline.

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