After Malinga’s No-Ball Controversy, IPL to Replace Umpires with Chowkidars

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After Malinga’s No-Ball Controversy, IPL to Replace Umpires with Chowkidars

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

Umpire S Ravi’s howler on Thursday when he missed Lasith Malinga’s clear-cut no-ball has put the jobs of umpires officiating at this year’s IPL under the scanner. According to our sources, the IPL governing council is planning to replace umpires with chowkidars, so that there are no issues in sighting no-balls and wides even when matches stretch beyond midnight.

“Our umpires are humans too. Aankh lag gaya hoga,” said Mr B Gendhwala, an IPL governing council member, who had to put a few drops of glycerin in his eyes to avoid sleeping during late-night meetings. “We understand that. But how can we make Kohli understand that,” he said on the decision to replace umpires midway through the tournament.

On Thursday, after the match Kohli controlled his inner Dill boy because the umpire is the namesake of his guru – coach Ravi Shastri. But sources tell us that even Anushka Sharma is upset and the next time around the RCB skipper will not make any exceptions.

When asked about how would they find replacements so quickly, a senior council member said that there is no dearth of chowkidars these days. “You don’t need to look at LinkedIn. Twitter is the new talent search website. Also all the people drinking tea from paper cups with “Main Bhi Chowkidar” slogan written on them are also perfectly eligible to apply for IPL umpires job.”

Mr Gendhwala believes that the IPL will beat the Railways recruitment board’s Guinness record. “We are sure to get more than 2.8 crore applications. We have so many chowkidars now. Just to give you a sense, we have already received more profiles than the runs scored by Suresh Rainia in the last 10 editions.”

Sources with RCB say that the management is planning to approach the Election Commission to intervene. “EC officials have mastered the art of ensuring that no one crosses the line. They will be the best judge,” said an RCB official.

Meanwhile, RCB’s loss has pushed Mumbai Indians out of their comfort zone. “We treat our first five-six games as practice matches. Even Neeta ji, Akash Ji, and Anu Malik do not expect us to win. See what has happened now. We have won our second match of the season. The team is in complete shock,” a Mumbai Indians player said.

“That’s why Rohit Sharma was more critical of the umpire’s error of judgement than Kohli. After all, he had to prepare a new speech just seconds before the presentation ceremony,” he added.

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