Arré Checklist: Your 5 Biggest Insecurities Are Kala Ghoda Art Installations


Arré Checklist: Your 5 Biggest Insecurities Are Kala Ghoda Art Installations

Illustration: Sushant Ahire

Every year, there’s immense focus on Kala Ghoda’s eclectic, over-the-top art installations. This isn’t merely art for art’s sake, but is also subtly profound commentary on the times we’re living in. Notable past marvels like the Mountain of Plastic Waste or the 100 years of Bollywood installation and this years “Hara Ghoda” all represent different causes.

Speaking of marvels, I’m often astonished at how my 20s haven’t caused us to have serious mental breakdown yet. So without further ado, here’s five of your biggest insecurities reimagined as Kala Ghoda Art Installations.

Statue made from garbage, lying in foetal position

Representative of: Your low self-esteem

Yes, we’ve noticed the Rupi Kaur poetry you’ve been sharing. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your mopey ass is damaged goods. This fort, made from garbage will perfectly encapsulate your inner turmoil and KGAF will be glad to commission it! However, given how morose it is, it will have to be placed way back toward the NGO section. You’ll feel right at home, being the charity case you are.

Delicate phallic glass sculpture

Representative of: Your ex-boyfriend’s fragile af ego

First up, props on dropping that toxic, problematic fuccboi. For all the mansplaining and subtle sexism you endured through the course of your relationship, you deserve this work of art. Shaped just like his junk, this tiny phallic glass sculpture has the added advantage of never going limp on you. Just for you, the artists have even gone ahead and added some much-needed girth. Broaden your horizons, girl!

Funkily decorated rickshaw

Representative of: Your dead-end career

Your first job with an organisation is kinda like finding a rickshaw during peak hour. After countless rejections, you’re just glad to be accepted on-board, even if you’ve likely signed your own death warrant. To encapsulate the essence of this, we’ve got you a quirky rickshaw with a vintage paint-job and a mannequin driver to match. It mirrors your career perfectly since it looks good from the outside but is actually stagnant, morose, and has a dummy at the wheel. But hey! It’s great for your Instagram story and you can caption it with your basic af quotes like, “Hustlin’, making that paper. #9to5Grind”  

Gigantic “No Chill” sign made from empty pizza boxes and beer cans

Representative of: Your abysmal willpower

Your existence has been a hot mess since your late teens. Your decision-making skills are pathetic but make for interesting bar stories. And just to put things in perspective, your willpower is abysmal. To celebrate your commitment to being horrible at adulting, KGAF is commissioning the “No Chill” sign. The material used for this won’t be hard to find since global warming is a direct result of that massive pile of empty pizza boxes and beer cans lying under your bed. The pizza is still in some of the boxes. Much like your hopes and dreams.

Guilt-Bert Hill

Representative of: Your constant fear of dying alone

This replica of the famed Mumbai feature, Gilbert Hill, is an ode to your crippling fear of one day being an ancient relic living in the forgotten part of the city where people only come to visit you when they feel sorry for your Mesozoic-era sombreness. The installation will be totally ignored by the SoBo crowd at the festival since they consider it “Burby trash that can’t hang with us.” Which is also what they think of your entire existence.