Horrorscope: What Dangers Lurk in the Month of March

Humour

Horrorscope: What Dangers Lurk in the Month of March

Illustration: Shivali Devalkar

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apricorn: Alas, Mars moving into the House of the Rising Sun means that the rising tide of thetans in your bloodstream will make you consider joining Scientology and donating all your life’s savings to the production of Tom Cruise’s next Mission Impossible film. Here’s a hint: Don’t. Even if you had the money, the censor board will shut you down.

Aquarius: Number Seven rules your future. NASA’s latest discovery of seven new Earth-like planets means that your mobile bill will inexplicably be at least seven times more expensive this month. A shooting star foretold a seven per cent growth spike for the nation’s GDP. Sadly, the same star also brought a seven per cent growth for your body-fat percentage. It is a good week to hit the gym.

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