The Four-Step Path to Full-Blown Hypochondria

Humour

The Four-Step Path to Full-Blown Hypochondria

Illustration: Juergen D

N

o matter where you are from, Googling “how often should I burp in one day”, is not the ideal way to spend Sunday afternoon. But for worrywarts who also display signs of budding hypochondria, this is an unfortunate reality. Because the internet is now available to us on the toilet, this obsession has become common enough to get its own Black Mirror-y title – cyberchondria.

The path to becoming a cyberchondriac usually begins with a couple of hiccups and some terrible decision-making. Once you are on the homepage of WebMD, you will be surprised to find that hiccups are also symptoms of pneumonia, uremia, pancreatitis, pleurisy of the diaphragm, and of course, cancer of the liver. With a laugh at all the plebs who thought water was an appropriate cure for something this serious, you go a little deeper. If the internet has such deep answers for my stupid hiccup question, surely it can tell me more about my organ functioning… This is usually the point where you will experience phase 1 of turning into a hypochondriac.

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